Celebrity Wardrobe Malfunctions

Recently the world of entertainment has been rocked by reports of the increasing problem of celebrity wardrobe malfunctions.

For example, there was an incident at the last Oscars ceremony where celebrities gathered to give each other meaningless statuettes. The assembled stars – and the fans who had come along to gawp at them – were shocked to hear that the world’s leading film star, Pumpkin Dropincentre, would not be appearing at the award ceremony that night.

Apparently, earlier that evening, as Pumpkin Dropincentre prepared to select which designer dress she would promote that night, the door fell off her wardrobe. Of course, on such an important night in the celebrity calendar, it was almost impossible to get an emergency carpenter. Not one could come out and fix her wardrobe in time for Dropincentre to use it with any confidence.

As her spokesman later confirmed, Dropincentre booked herself into a celebrity rehab clinic for the next several weeks. There she tried to come to terms with her wardrobe malfunction. Even now, several months later, her PA confirms that Dropincentre is still traumatised. ‘Pumpkin still can’t bring herself to touch any kind of doorknob or handle in case it comes off in her hand.’ This also has had the knock-on effect that she cannot engage in any intimate lovemaking scenes in her films, because so many male film stars have the acting ability of a wardrobe door.

‘’Everything is so wooden!’ Dropincentre screamed as she fled a recent TV chat show set.

Also, the celebrity heiress, Grimsby Premierhotel, also suffered a serious wardrobe malfunction when her wardrobe clothes rail bent in the middle. This caused all her dresses to slide along the rail and clump together in the middle of her wardrobe. This made it impossible for her to distinguish one flimsy piece of material from another. Unable to pick a dress, Premierhotel had to curtail her appearance at that night’s exclusive red carpet premiere of a new happening nightspot. As a celebrity journalist pointed out, Premierhotel never wears underwear on a night out. So this tragic incident would leave her completely naked without a dress. It is not uncommon for Premierhotel to end up completely naked after a night out. However, it is only usually made public when one of her intimate and private sex tapes is ‘accidentally’ released to the public when she has some new venture to publicise.

Other celebrities have revealed some of their own problems with furniture to jump on the bandwagon publicise the dangers of recalcitrant and unreliable furnishings and the traumas they can cause. The male film superstar, Gravelly Chinstubble has bravely announced that he sometimes has trouble with a sticky drawer in his sideboard. Plunk Membranes the bassist with the leading rock group Twangythumpnoize has admitted he has a problem. He revealed that for years he has had a secret messy kitchen utensil drawer addiction that he has struggled to overcome. He announced that he would enter the famous Swiss clinic that specialises in cutlery management at the end of the band’s current tour to learn the art of spatula management.

So any ordinary person who has experienced furniture problems, from everything to a muddled cutlery drawer to a full-blown sofa related disaster will know they are not alone. Knowing that wealth, fame, celebrity and notoriety does not make anyone immune from wardrobe malfunctions, or any other kind of furniture related mishap is something for which we can all be grateful.


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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