The Mystery of Politics

Of course, one of the greatest mysteries of the history of human civilisation is discovering just why humanity succumbed to politics. Many philosophers have theorised that there must have at one point in early human history be a civilisation that was entirely free of this debilitating disease.

Herbert Von Tinkletool the great German post-predisunstructuralist historian once wrote that ‘there must have been a period, much similar to the medieval age’s Black Death, where the societies that were free of politics somehow became infected with this disease that has plagued all human societies since.’

However, some argue that politics has always existed in human society by somehow setting up a kind of symbiotic relationship with the human race. Others have theorised that politics is a way of taking all those otherwise useless and unproductive members of society and giving them something to do to prevent them getting in other peoples’ way. This, they argue is why politics always takes place in buildings such as parliaments, council chambers and other such places far away from where ordinary decent human beings tend to congregate.

Some have also argued that the so-called researchers, often naïve and overly impressionable youngsters were original a form of human sacrifice presented to the politicians as a way of keeping the politicians away from normal people.

Others have argued that the gatherings of politicians into large baying groups are the real origin of the zombie myth. A notion given credence in popular culture by the zombies always calling out for ‘brains!’ as it is well known that politicians are severely lacking in anything remotely resembling a functioning brain of their own.

There are several medical theories that try to explain how politics manages to spread through a population. Politics generally occurs mainly by infecting those with an unhealthy interest in other people’s business and obsessive need to tell others what to do. However, there has been little research into the origins of politics. Although the disease of politics is quite contagious, often infecting those at risk with little or no natural resistance, such a students and others easily influenced by ideas of dubious merit and little correspondence to reality.

Because of the often unearthly and unhuman-like qualities of those it infects, some believe that politics itself must have come from outer space. Certainly, many of the more notorious politicians throughout history have had many alien qualities. It would also explain why most ordinary humans feel an instant wariness whenever approached by a politician and do all they can to avoid getting too close to the politician. It is almost as if getting too close to a politician triggers the natural human defences against infection.

There is hope that with medical advances continuing that soon there will be some sort of inoculation against politics infecting normal people. This is especially so in the most vulnerable period of the mid to late teenage years. A period when the brain is not fully-formed and is open to infection by the insanity that is politics.

Unfortunately, a cure for those already infected with politics still seems a long way off, so it remains advisable for the population in general to try to avoid politics and politicians whenever possible.


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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