Applied Fresh Cream Cake Perversions

We are all – by now, I’m sure – very familiar with such fresh cream cake-based perversions as the Double Cream Horn, the Chocolate Éclair Surprise and the Cost Accountant Fondant Fancy. Such things are – indeed – elementary to the repertoire of any fully-upstanding pervert or deviant of the first water.

However, how many of you (both) gathered here this fine evening have ever considered the Strawberry Flan Reverse Traffic Warden? Or even the – and this one I’ll admit is best left to experts – The Victoria Sponge Back-flip and Half-pike, especially in the immediate vicinity of a suitably lubricated Assistant Bank Manager?

Of course, we in Little Frigging are most fortunate in having in our local cake shop manageress, Miss Fanny Knickerless. A woman commonly acknowledged far and wide to be in possession of one of the most perverse imaginations in our beloved country. She is – rightly – credited with, and lauded, for introducing the infamous Bakewell Tart Double-Entry. But not only that, she was also instrumental in getting many cake-based perversions accepted as new sports in their own right for the next Fiasco Olympics.

Consequently, even if the next Olympics does turn out to be the disaster we all hope and expect it to be, there will – at least – be something there for those interested in cakes, perversions, or both to look forward to.


Yours perversely: Norbert Trouser-Quandary


[A tale from the From the LFITW archive. More from Little Frigging in the Wold here]


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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