Now, as the open-air orgy season begins to start the commencement of its initial stages once again, as the inclement weather fades into the past, we in Little Frigging are preparing to gird our loins ready for the first early-morning orgies of spring.
Girding of one’s loins is – of course – essential for these, the first few spring early-morning orgies where the possibility of a late frost is always present. Frostbite of one’s particulars is always very nasty, as is also the possibility of the cold and damp ground of the village green having untoward effects upon other areas of one’s person that get exposed to it, such as knees and elbows. Hence the popularity of fetish knee and elbow pads, especially the ones with integral weasel-restraint attachment points.
There is also the less-serious but equally concomitant, danger of seasonal mud in the crevices, always a potential point of awkwardness when approaching the next putative partner, or partners, on one’s orgy card. Of course, seasoned* open-air orgy-goers are well used to these occurrences. You will find most people are quite forgiving of the odd grass or mud stain, as well as any other situations or little foibles (especially when the cold weather is having its usual effect on the male ardour) that may arise in the course of an early morning open-air orgy.
However, the cooler weather of the spring does mean that it is the ideal for those outdoor perversions that entail the type of clothing that is suited to cold or inclement weather. So, for those of you who find your ardour increasing at the thought of a duffle-coated Stock Control Assistant this could be your time of year. Or if you find yourself perking up when you envisage a lady in stout walking boots, or even a stout lady in ordinary walking boots, or find the thought of thermal underwear deeply alluring, then this could be the ideal season for you.
*Personally I prefer a light vinaigrette dressing with freshly-ground black pepper
Yours perversely: Norbert Trouser-Quandary