Of late LFITW has often found itself on the tourist map for many different reasons – most, of course, having to do with the village’s well-known expertise in the matters of the rude, moist and extremely naughty.
One of our biggest draws- in several senses of the word – is our proudly upstanding village blacksmith, Strom Thighhammer. A visit to his forge to see him stripped to the waist and wielding his mighty tool has become a must-see for the ladies of our fine nation.
Each week we have coach trips from the various Women’s Institutes, Townswomen’s Guilds, Young Mother’s associations, hen night parties, gentlemen’s soft furnishing and musical appreciation societies, ladies knitting and wine appreciation clubs, and many other such institutions.
In addition, many, many women love to see Strom dressed in his volunteer village fireman’s uniform. Most of whom also seem rather keen on helping him out of the uniform and getting their hands on his chopper, or grabbing a feel of his rather impressive hose.
This does mean that during the height of the tourist season, Strom can often find himself overcome and tired of his obligations. Of course, professional that he is, Strom always makes sure that each and every lady desirous of his personal attention goes away fully satisfied. Even if it does leave him totally limp and completely spent out at the end of the day.
So, if you are a lady and/or gentleman who would like a hands-on demonstration of Strom’s impressive prowess, please book early to avoid disappointment.
Yours perversely: Norbert Trouser-Quandary