Existential Absurdity

Ultimately, it all depends on the way you approach it. Such negotiating techniques will depend on the initial circumstances. Ideally, you would wait for a more propitious time, but that is not always possible. Her moods are always fleeting and often capricious. So striking while the iron is hot is not always possible. I should add a caveat here, about not approaching her in that frame of mind whilst she is doing the ironing.

Ironing generally puts no one in a good or playful mood, and irons are hot… very hot. So be careful just what part of yourself you are contemplating revealing in her vicinity while she struggles with that tricky bit all ironable items seem to have.

Timing the approach to the negotiations – let alone the correct time to open the aforesaid – is always going to be a bit tricky. There was a time long ago now it seems, when such tentative proposals towards a mutual undertaking of such a nature were not necessary. Both of you were young, eager and far more flexible than nowadays.

These days such things need to be organised, prepared for and planned to fit into the daytime schedule with all the delicacy and finesse of someone trying to capture rare wildlife footage of some elusive rare animal. There are times indeed, when married life does seem to call out for some expert narration from Sir David Attenborough. If only to explain to the participants that they are doing what they think they are doing.

Because – even after all these years – it is not always easy to know what you are doing, or – or that matter – why you are doing it.

There does come a certain time in everyone’s life when they realise that the acts they are about to suggest they and their partner perform in the next half an hour or so are all – well, rather absurd and ridiculous. Eventually there comes a point when you realise how absurd it all looks. Then you wonder if it is really all that worthwhile after all. Getting into those ridiculous positions and doing all that moaning and groaning, all that hard sweaty work, for what turns out in the end to be something of a disappointment.

After all, as mentioned above it is all much easier and simpler when you are young. Back then, it was so easy just to act upon a whim, in the moment. Spontaneity though, as time goes by becomes more and more of a problem. When you are older, there are no longer young children to keep an eye on, or be aware of, or other such matters. There is a matter of finding the time for such activities. Or as you grow increasingly older finding the will to engage.

However, once she gets the idea in her head, you both reluctantly acknowledge the time is right. Once she has put the ironing board away, you can climb the stairs to the bedroom.

Then the moment arrives after so long, after feeling for some time you would never do anything like this again. She says ‘I was thinking if we move the wardrobe over there, and shift the bed across, then we will have more room?’

Then she gives you that look. The look you remember from those youthful times.

And you sigh as you remember those young days when moving and rearranging furniture could be fun for both of you.


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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