The More Advanced Fruit-Based Sexual Perversions

We have mentioned fruit-based perversions before, but for those wishing to further their understanding of these more esoteric deviations today we are going to examine some of the more advanced fruit-based sexual perversions.

Such deviations as the Loganberry Run and the Strawberry Feel are, quite evidently, more for the summer months. This is especially so in the case of the Loganberry Run where the loganberry bowler will need a long run up before bowling the loganberries. That is if the receiver is to get the full erotic benefit from the event. With the Strawberry Feel, of course, the long light summer nights will often necessitate the use of a blindfold. For obvious reasons it is best to use early-season strawberries, as they tend to be firmer and respond much better to the touch of the perversion racquets, especially on the first service.

With pineapples now in the shops and supermarkets for most of the year, the Pineapple Inquiry can be undertaken at any time, although, the nature of the pineapple does lend this fruit-based deviation a certain piquancy when undertaken outdoors in the late summer evenings. Of course, it is important to stress that plenty of lubrication is advised, as well as the application of a slow clockwise screwing motion to the pineapple, so that the Member of Parliament on the receiving end of the Inquiry receives its full effect.

To round off a long summer evening orgy there is no finer – to my mind – perversion that a nice slow Lemon Ménage, if the lemons are fresh and the postmistress is languorous. Providing – that is – that the warm evening’s exertions have not caused a lamentable lack of stiffness in your meringue peaks.

Yours perversely:

Norbert Trouser-Quandary

 A tale from the From the LFITW archive

More from Little Frigging in the Wold here


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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