The Device and its Uses

Sometimes it is easier to tell which way up it is by the noise it makes. But having said that, be careful to always replace it back on the stand provided. After all, you don’t want to get the blame when one of the attachments falls off and rolls under the bed when she is in the throes of… well, you get the picture.

Or you should do if you have set up the integral camera properly. Although, many users have suggested you use the automatic settings that compensate for motion blur, especially if attempting to use video.

Otherwise, as I more or less intimated, you won’t get the picture. Or at least not one suitable for publication on the growing number of web forums now dedicated to the device and the – sometimes -surprising and occasionally shocking uses to which the owners put their devices.

Not surprisingly, unless you’ve led a very sheltered life, the owners of the device have utilised it in many novel and unusual ways. From the lady who claims it is the best way of whipping up Yorkshire pudding batter she has ever found to the gentleman who uses it to dislodge very recalcitrant ear wax (he recommends the Turbo setting) there are myriad uses far beyond even the comprehensive selection in the instruction manual. Providing you are fluent in the original classic Latvian of the manual.

Although, the diagrams do help.

Well, the diagrams do help now of course. Originally, the device – though a packaging error – came with the assembly instructions for an Ikea bookcase, which did cause a modicum of confusion. Although, one lady user did say it did bring another dimension to her frequent re-perusals of 50 Shades of Grey. She also said it did cause her to drop her Allen key at the crucial moment.

However, once the manufactures worked out the initial teething troubles the device proved a massive hit and not just amongst what would be called the core user base. Once the demolition industry discovered that its super turbo setting could knock down brick walls, it became very popular in that sector. The construction industry, too, found it could also mix concrete to a usable constituency and stir the even more glutinous multi-sugared builders’ tea on one battery charge.

There have – unfortunately – been some claims that the device itself is rather over-powered for its intended use. There was the almost tragic case of the young lady ‘sunbathing’ on a hotel balcony who was forced over the edge – in more ways than one – when the device vibrated her over the parapet. Luckily, she landed in the deep end of the hotel swimming pool.

However, the manufacturers did point out the warnings in the – now-updated – manual about always using it on a secure and level surface, and pointing out that their claim that the device would make the earth move like never before was not hyperbole.

Although, now many countries insist that users utilise the safety harness now provided… just to be on the safe side.


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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