Somewhat Ironic


Well, don’t look at me.

I have no idea.

It was like that when I found it.

Well, maybe titled a little more over towards widdershins, if I’m honest.

But I had to check.

I mean after all, how long has it been since we had one like that? I mean that is a pre-Common Market design, if you ask me. What with all the nodules and the fins.

They never went in for that sort of thing on the continent and you know what they are like for rules. They don’t like change either.

So, one like that… well, it was bound to fall foul of their over-regulatory mentality wasn’t it?

No wonder so many of us wanted to leave the EU.

I mean it is a great and noble historic British tradition, isn’t it? Especially so when it annoys the French so much. There was a long period in British history that consisted mainly of ways of annoying the French, and one like that is certainly bound to annoy them.

Luckily, we are leaving the EU (ha), so there won’t be any more foreign interference in what was a great defining… well, thing… of being British. I mean there was a time when no man, no household, would be seen without one of those… er… things on prominent display, usually on the mantelpiece.

Of course, now I’m talking of post-Victorian times.

The Victorians were a bit… shall we say wary… of such frank displays of a man’s prowess, especially in front of the ladies and the lower orders. A man would only bring it out to show other men once the ladies had retired and the port and cigars were passed.

There was always a long story attached to its provenance too. About how it had been in the family for centuries, passed down from father to eldest son on reaching his maturity.

Most of the stories, of course were utter bollocks. Still it was not the done thing to cast aspersions on a gentleman when he was clutching his… well, there you are.

Of course, these days both men and women are – usually – proud to display them in full view of everyone including the older children. There is not so much of a stigma attached to them nowadays.

But of course fashions change, so their associations with the past and a certain sort of unthinking patriotism brought about a change of attitude in what you might call the trendy middle class of recent decades.

Soon the town dumps were full of discarded ones as the fashionable urban public-sector professionals decided they were rather naff and not the right thing to associate oneself with.

So they disappeared from the shops, disappeared from view. Young people would only ever see them tucked away somewhere out of sight in an elderly relative’s home. And they soon learnt not to ask questions.

So they were mostly forgotten, until recently.

Now we have hipsters and their so-called irony to blame for this re-emergence. They like to think displaying these… these… things is naff and bad taste. So it is ironically humorous to them to display them as they originally were presented. But in reality such fashionable attitudes only display their trendy shallowness, the same shallowness that made these things unfashionable in the first place.

Which is ironic, I suppose, but not in a way those hipsters would understand.


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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