The Care Of Recently-Hatched Lawyers

No doubt, when summer arrives your first early spring batches of Lawyer eggs will soon hatch out into tadpoles – if you are lucky. Then you will need to start to search for a swamp fetid enough for them to grow into maturity, or – at least – as close to maturity as lawyers ever get.

To some – if not most – lawyers are not the prettiest species to breed, not matching, for example, the grace and elegance of a herd of hairstylists as they sweep majestically across some foreign sun-kissed beach in search of bars and discos.

However, I, for one, feel that lawyers are not totally without charm. For example, the lawyer tadpoles in their swamp as they make their first fumbling attempts at litigation are often a joy to behold, and their first attempts to grasp a writ in their not-yet fully-formed claws can often be quite comical.

You should bear in mind, however, that lawyers can be capricious, if not venal, beasts, especially during the awkward adolescent stages where the young males, in particular, will often attempt to sue each other. Often this is no more that a swift exchange of writs, but – occasionally – you should be prepared to step in to separate them before the severe injunctions begin to fly around, as this can  often prove extremely injurious, and occasionally even fatal, especially if the stiff legal documents do manage to penetrate the still-unformed hide* of the adolescent lawyer.


*Of course, once they reach maturity the hide of the lawyer is so thick as to be almost impenetrable.


Yours perversely

Norbert Trouser-Quandary


A tale from the From the LFITW archive

More from Little Frigging in the Wold here

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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