Why is there a goat?
Oh, and Mildred, of course.
It just so happens that there is a large tub of natural yogurt on the shelf too.
You know what that means?
It is Goat, Yogurt and Mildred Time!
A couple of years ago, it was getting obvious even to the TV programme planners, that no-one was really that interested in watching politics on TV.
After all, it had been many decades since anyone had watched Question Time, apart from those strange political obsessives who thought that the infantile party political games and Westminster soap opera were of any interest or relevance to the rest of the population.
So, when – by accident – the BBC lost the live feed from darkest Walsall, that evening’s Question Time was replaced by archive footage of a Goat, a tub of yogurt and ex-New Pre-Old Newer Avenger actress Mildred Trilobite. The programme planners and TV executives were surprised that the time slot got its highest ratings since Robin Day’s bowtie caught fire during a heated exchange between Tony Benn and Geoffrey Howe over the price of a postage stamp.
That archive footage of Goat, Yogurt and Mildred Time had not been broadcast since the 1960s when – in a daring move for the times – a goat and a pot of yogurt were first seen on the TV screen, and in the presence of an unmarried woman.
The first time the clip was shown back in those more innocent days, it not only featured on the front pages of the tabloids, but also questions were asked in the Houses of Parliament. One Conservative in the House of Lords questioned the propriety of showing such frank close ups of a tub of yogurt being totally ignored by a goat in in the presence of a young lady. He said that showing such vulgarity in a time slot which could be seen not only by one’s wife, but one’s children or house servants was a blatant case of moral turpitude by the nation’s broadcaster. He claimed it was the height of irresponsibility by the BBC. As one tabloid leader thundered ‘such frank uninhibited lewdness’ had no place on the nation’s TV screens.
It was the era when the sixties sexual revolution was just starting to appear in the imaginations of those who thought they knew what was going on. It was also the time of the first anti-war protests. however as the protestors has yet to find a war to protest about, and Vietnam not yet having permeated the collective consciousness, they had to settle for protesting against the war of Jenkin’s Ear instead, and – as such – garnered little media attention.
However, even the beatniks and proto-hippies of the time, were shocked to find a glamourous actress of Mildred trilobite’s standing willing to be seen on TV without a chaperone with both a goat and a tub of yogurt in her immediate vicinity. At the time, this was about as shocking as it could get, at least until the rumours about Mick Jagger, Marianne Faithfull, a Herdwick sheep and the tub of coleslaw began appearing in the media a few years later.
But of course those were different times, and even politics was interesting – occasionally at least. That was, of course, before everyone realised how politically naive the counter culture and all that was anyway.
Now, at long last, Goat, Yogurt and Mildred Time is back on our TV screens, and long may it continue.