Common or Garden Perversions

Of course, the most obvious difficulty with common or garden perversions is often that what is suitable for a common, or other area of open ground such as a park, wasteland, supermarket car park or sports pitch, is not suitable for a garden, or vice-versa.

To take an example at random, the frequent use of trellising in garden-based perversions is not appropriate for common-based perversions as there is rarely a wall or other such structure to attach the trellising to. Therefore the use of trellising in common-based perversions is only really applicable if your cake shop manageress has exceptionally strong arms, or the donkey is prepared to stay still until it is time for the tea break.

Similarly, the use of the kite is not really recommended for garden-based perversions, unless you have a larger than average garden as your assistant librarian is likely to become severely entangled around next-door’s chimney. Although this may be quite exciting for your assistant librarian, especially if it necessitates her being rescued by your local fire service, as a perversion it can be somewhat frustrating for the one left holding the limp piece of string.

Therefore, I – for one – would humbly suggest that you take care in your choice of perversion, making sure it is applicable for the situation you find yourself in. This is especially true when considering supermarket car park-based perversions as some of the spaces can be quite tight, especially if you are considering reversing your postmistress into a tight space without first making the correct turning signal.


Yours perversely:

Norbert Trouser-Quandary


A tale from the From the LFITW archive

More from Little Frigging in the Wold here


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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