Sporting Outrage

These days being offended is fast becoming the most popular competitive international sport. It takes years of effort and dedication to get to the top in what has become a very challenging sport. These days it is not enough to be outraged, you have to be outraged to an international standard.

Of course, it is best to start out small, develop the skills of outrage and offendedness with a mere few hundred twitter followers, before attempting to move onto the international stage and be outraged or offended by something that happens half a world away.

Obviously, it doesn’t matter that you know anything about the incident that you claim offends you. In fact, contrary to what used to be common sense, the less you know about the outrageous situation the better. Ignorance of the world is no barrier to becoming one of the top outrage athletes in the world. In fact total blind ignorance of the world, current affairs, popular usage, common expressions and all manner of what would otherwise be seen as mitigating factors, nuance or explanations are best ignored, otherwise, the speed and vehemence of your outrage can only be blunted.

Tweet first, ignore and dismiss explanations and mitigating factors later, should be the motto of everyone aiming for the top levels of outrage sports.

There is now talk that competitive outrage and offense taking are to be introduced at the next Olympics. There is certainly an audience out there for international outrage on social media. At least judging by the number of retweets, likes and reposts that the top outrage athletes can get for a particular posting. A post that can blindly assume the worst of motives on the part of the instigator of the offending incident that the athlete is revealing on social media can shoot to the top of the world records of outrage in moments.

Of course, however, the Olympic level outrage culture will need a steady supply of inciting incidents for the competitors to tweet, post and publicise, for the athletes to take part in the top-flight contests. Speed and inaccuracy are of the essence when playing the game at this level. It is no good looking for mitigating factors in the inciting incident. The outrage must always come first, the offence must be taken at what is often a split-second between the original item appearing on social media and the first tweets and posts of outrage and offence taking to appear.

Olympic officials are working on new timing devices that can detect tweets and Facebook posts appearing down to the thousandth of a second necessary to track the output of the top-flight professional outrage seekers. Not only that there must be an official capable of judging just how out of context and excessive the outrage of that original offended posting is. Of course, it is often a matter of interpretation, but the number of retweets, reposts and other social media mentions does provide the judges with some sense of how well the original poster has captured the essence of the assumed offence that led to their outrage.

Additional points can be awarded for how much the poster misunderstood, ignored nuance and context, or other aspects of the original outrageous incident. But details like this, we are assured, will be worked out in time for the sport to appear at the next Olympics where its success should be assured.


Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

One thought on “Sporting Outrage

  1. The best way to trivialize the important things is to bury them in an avalanche of meaningless ones. DT is so very good at that. Fortunately, his twaddle is also so egregious that it is easy to automatically discount him.

    Who was it that said something like lies were already out the door and winning the race while truth was tying its shoes? Lies are EASY and FAST, truth slow and deliberate. Because, you know, it has to be true.


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