Even then, it doesn’t always go to plan.
Not that you’ve ever got around to making a plan.
Of course, you’ve read all those self-help books promising to make you a better you, but you’ve never had the time to do anything they suggest, and that better you has always remained just over the horizon of possibility, relaxing on the sun-hot beach of One Day I’ll Get Around to It Island.
Yes, that mythical island that you promise yourself you’ll visit one day, at least, if not live out the rest of your life there. Of course, you never get around to ever visiting One Day I’ll Get Around to It Island. Sometimes all you can do is glance at the brochure, or swipe through the photos you downloaded from the website when you made that last New Year’s Resolution.
Then the day after New Year, you sobered up and got back to the usual daily grind. If you didn’t forget all about that island you made some vague promise to yourself that one day I’ll get around to it.
But… well, y’know….
Anyway, this isn’t turning out as funny as I first hope but I can always come back in another draft and put a few knob jokes in it. I don’t know when that will be. I already have a huge backlog of these… these… these things that I haven’t sorted out yet. But One Day I’ll Get Around to It.
That’s another thing…
Well, it would be if I could remember what it was I was going to say. I got up to let the dog back in and now I’ve forgotten what was going to be next.
One of those books – in fact, several of them now I come to think about it – suggested making lists. But of course I never have the time to make lists and when I do, I can’t find a pen… or paper… or by the time I’ve got my list materials I’ve forgotten what I was going to list.
I ought to make a list of the things I need to make a list, and then I’d probably lose the list.
One Day I’ll Get Around to It, though.
I could always make a list on my phone, of course. After all, the last thing I ever use that for is making or reviving phone calls. But you know what that is like. You pick up your phone to use it for something useful and there are about 200 notifications on there since the last time you looked at it.
Then, you must just see all the cute kitten pictures on Instagram. Then you have to shake your head in disbelief at the pathetically partisan political posts on Facebook. So by the time you’ve answered that email and all the Whatsapp messages, and deleted all those notifications from that group you intended to leave one day… when you got around to it, you’ve forgotten what you were going to use your phone for, and now it needs recharging again.
Which is something else I need to write one of these things* about.
No doubt, One Day I’ll Get Around to It.
*One day I intend getting around to thinking up a better name than these things for these things.