‘Anyway. So this is the beginning, is it?’
‘Not much to look at, is there?’
It is early days yet. As you said, it is the beginning.
‘Not got off to a very good start, though, has it?’
Well, if you hadn’t interru-
‘Are you saying it is my fault?’
Well, no need to take that attitude.
Coming on all aggressive.
‘Me? Aggressive? I just popped in for a chat. You didn’t seem to be doing much, apart from that website.’
That was research.
‘Research, really? I would have thought that a man your age would know what women look like without their clothes on by now.’
I was… well, it was research. I don’t see what it has to do with you anyway.
‘I was just curious.’
‘Does your wife know about this… this… research you do instead of the actual writing?’
What does that have to do with anything? She knows how hard I work.
‘I saw how hard you were working. A man your age should be more careful, especially someone who needs his wrists for his writing.’
I think I’m going to have to ask you to leave. I do have work to do.
‘I was wondering how much it would be worth to you, you wife not knowing what you get up to in here while she is at work… earning money, actual money. A proper job.’
A proper job? What are you implying?
‘Come on, be honest how much have you made from this writing lark?
It is not a lark. I take it very seriously.
‘Yes, I saw how hard you were concentrating on that Bella from Hereford amateur wife video.’
That is none of your business.
‘Business, ha! Come on, how much have you made from the writing?’
Not much, actually. I can’t seem to make a breakthrough.
‘Don’t you think you ought to get a proper job… one that pays?’
At my age?
‘They want sales people down at the garden centre.’
I know bugger all about flowers.
‘You could always research it. You seem good at that.’
Come on, get to the point or bugger off. I do have a chapter to start. This new book is going to be different. This is the one. I’m sure of it.
It has a great story, a complex plot with lots of twists and turns, an antagonist no-one will ever suspect and the female lead is-
‘So why aren’t you writing it now?’
You were the one that interrupted me.
‘But I’m fictional too.’
I’m not sure if I can do this anymore. Do you know how many copies my last book sold?
‘Of course I do. I’m here in your mind with those dismal sales figures, aren’t I?’
Well, you must understand then why I spend my time looking at porn. I can’t… it just doesn’t seem to be worth the hassle any more, not for meagre the rewards I get.
‘Shall I get the garden centre job application website for you?’