The Latest Hollywood Outrage Scandal

It emerged last night that the film star, Limpid Handwringer is once more at the centre of a controversy about his latest film. Handwringer yet again stars in the latest film in the Bloody Gore series – Bloody Gore: Gratuitous Death Kill XII as the serial killer, Donald Naughtyperson, targeting the teenage girls of a small Midwestern town. The evil killer murders the girls in order to use their kneecaps as castanets, in order to complete his fantasy orchestra made from the body parts of his victims.

The film follows on from the previous episode in the Bloody Gore series, where the evil psychopath Naughtyperson was killing the teenage girls from another small Midwestern town in order to use their skins for the drums in the percussion section of his evil orchestra.

However, much to the consternation of the outraged Twitter mob, it has now emerged that Limpid Handwringer is not in fact a genuine evil psychopathic killer. He is just pretending to be one for the films.

This has of course outraged the rapidly growing evil murderous psychopath community on Twitter. The community have complained before about the constant negative stereotyping of what they regard as a valid lifestyle choice. Many of them claim that teenagers look forward to spending their adolescent years suffering ritualistic slaughter in increasingly bizarre and unlikely ways.

Consequently, to deny the evil psychopaths their role in these young lives is not only discriminatory but also a sign of how the white male patriarchy has defined mental well-being to exclude those of other moralities.

The evil psychopaths on Twitter claim that the role should have gone to a person who self-defines as a psychopath, or at last mentally unstable (ironically, the latter would have included many big name Hollywood, stars). They claim that it is unfair that the only legitimate avenue for evil psychopaths is to go into politics, and ultimately become President of their country. An option which they believe excludes far too many ordinary serial killing evil psychopaths from having a worthwhile career that validates their need to cause death and suffering to as many innocent people as possible.

This further controversy around Limpid Handwringer follows on from his previous film No Consent. In that film, he and leading female star, Shrill Harpie, play a young couple deeply in love who had to go on the run from the authorities when they incorrectly filled out their Mandatory Sexual Activity Consent form. The film shows the criminal couple becoming a media sensation when their Mandatory Sexual Consent Video goes viral. The video clearly shows Handwringer putting his hand on the upper thigh of Harpie’s character in contravention of section seventeen of the consent code.

Consequently, the young couple have to go on the run from the Sexual Consent Squad of the FBI. The couple hope to make it to the Mexican border before they are captured and sent to a Sexual Behaviour Correction facility to be re-educated about sexual non-consent behaviours.

However, Handwringer has managed to shrug off these accusations in the past by making documentaries on location in impoverished countries showing him doing charity work for malnourished but photogenic children, and working to help save some of the cuter wild animals from extinction.

Maybe Handwringer can counter this latest outrage, with some good publicity shots, maybe something to do with the current fashionable Hollywood cause of saving the environment in photogenic foreign locations.

 

Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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