All books by David Hadley below
[Latest at the top]
When his novel becomes a surprise bestseller, author Robert Block thinks all his problems are over… but they have only just begun.
Robert Block wants to be a famous and successful published author more than anything else in the world. But none of his books ever gets a publishing deal. Now, his wife, Rachel, is tired of supporting him. She gives him a year to make a success of being a writer, or he must go back to teaching.
So Robert secretly publishes an old erotic story, he wrote many years ago, under a pen name. He hopes it will at least make back the money he spent on a book cover for it.
To his surprise, the book becomes a worldwide phenomenon, making its mysterious author a fortune.
Block thinks this means all his troubles are over. But they have only just begun.
It’s a God’s life.
Albert Meadows, recently made redundant and tired of his disappointing life, is looking to make a new start and is desperate to find something worthwhile to fill his time.
So, what could be better than creating a brand new universe of his own, in his garden shed?
But, when he introduces intelligent life to his new universe, things don’t turn out as he planned, especially when the tribes on his planet each create their opposing gods in his image.
Now Albert must rescue the people on his creation from themselves and the warring religions they’ve created.
All before his people destroy each other in a war to end all wars over which version of Albert they believe in.
Dreams are dangerous things.
After a mental collapse forces him to sell his software company, entrepreneur Stephen Parker retreats to the quiet coastal village of Stoneyhaven, hoping to rebuild his life.
Soon Parker discovers how dangerous dreams can be, as the world of his nightmares threatens to break out into his waking life and destroy the new happiness he finds in Stoneyhaven.
To save the lives of those he loves, and perhaps even the world itself, Parker must enter the Dreamlands to rescue the ghostly woman haunting his dreams and solve the mystery of the Manor House before it is too late.
Martin Laws hates mysteries.
So why has someone sent him a bag of juggling balls?
Why has he no memory of buying a new computer?
Why has that new computer decided Martin needs to go shopping?
Why does a hairstylist he’s never met before keep saluting him?
Most of all, why are so many Elvis impersonators trying to kill him?
Juggling Balls – a science fiction comedy featuring time travel, mind control implants and a future religion that claims an Elvis Presley clone as its saviour. Oh, and an interplanetary terraced house.
Google Play: here
Apple iBooks: here
When we first met she was Emeritus Professor of Post-Colonial Marmalade at the University of Ffestiniog, and she had the sexiest elbows I had ever seen. We met at the Annual Ffestiniog Tapioca-Ignoring Convention, back in the late summer of ’83. At the time neither of us had a Tapioca-Ignoring partner, so naturally – once we found our handicaps were compatible – we teamed up for that autumn’s preliminary Tapioca-Ignoring Cup rounds. Of course, with both of us being amateurs we never expected to get to the finals. Her name was Plenitude Cleavage and she came from the Welsh valleys, in fact she had quite a Welsh valley herself, never in my experience had I ever seen such a splendid example of nominative determinism in a woman’s body before [….]
So, begins one of the greatest love stories of our age told here for the first time in ebook form for the Kindle. This collection also contains several other stories of equal import, such as: ‘Shropshire Smith and the Temple of Vegetables’. A tale of adventure and excitement within a forgotten temple of one of the world’s oldest forgotten civilisations. ‘The Famed Vegetable Killer of Grimsby’. Murder most foul. ‘The Dancing Sex Nuns of the Tenth Quadrant’. A story of one of the great mysteries of the far future. ‘The man with the Golden Cheese Baguette’. The tale of Britain’s greatest spy and his attempt to thwart an evil genius with plans for world domination. ‘The Thing Falling Out of the Sky Incident’. Some claim there are aliens out there, waiting to invade Earth. Some say this has already happened. Plus other stories, such as: ‘Feeling Betrayed’, ‘The Aftermath’, ‘The Perfect Woman’ and others the like of which you will never have read before.
Google Play: here
Apple iBooks: here
Page Foundry: here
(Short story – 5,000 words approx.)
If you want to get an ex-girlfriend back, what could be a better way of impressing her than a magic carpet ride through the night to a romantic evening together in some alternate dimension?
Available FREE for:
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Apple iBooks: here
Page Foundry: here
Here we are back, once again, in Little Frigging in the Wold: England’s most perverse, erotic and excitingly-moist village, for some more tales of rural life, with more adventures and tales featuring Grand Uncle Stagnant, Old Feebletrousers, Strom Thighhammer, the cake shop manageress and many more of Little Frigging’s residents. This book includes over one hundred stories involving inter-village competitive orgies, the erotic use of foodstuffs, how to extract as much money from tourists as possible, the naked pogo-stick steeplechase, mid-air and deep-sea perversions, the use of the fetish unicycle, medieval woodland perversions, the erotic use of cardigans, achieving match fitness in an inter-village orgy squad, accountancy fetish night in the village hall, and – of course – the best way of sellotaping a Cornish pasty to an assistant librarian for erotic purposes and much, much more.
Dark creatures writhe in the city’s shadows, Claire has seen them and seen their hungry eyes watching her… and waiting. Claire avoids the darkness and the shadows of the city’s nights because she knows what lurks there.
That was until the night she saw Henry, standing in the darkest shadows watching her, wanting her as much as she wants him. But he is as unwilling to leave the dark as Claire is to enter it. Will Claire save Henry before the shadows and darkness consume him and he is lost to the darkness forever?
Available FREE for
Google Play: here
Apple iBooks: here
Page Foundry: here
Nestled deep in the picturesque valley at the heart of the county of Upper Thyghspreader, Little Frigging in the Wold is just another quiet English rural village.
It is a place where the denizens take a quiet pride in the good standing of their local Inter-Village Orgy team, all pulling together to support it in the Inter-Village orgy League and cup as well as its attempts to increase the standing of English village orgy teams in the many European Competitions.
Not only that, everyone in the village always do their best to attend the events in the village hall that do so much to make the residents of such places come together as often as possible in the many village orgies arranged there, or even getting themselves out on the village green for open-air all-village orgies should the weather be suitable.
Furthermore, the new University of Little Frigging (formerly the cow sheds at Trouser-Quandary farm) is regarded as the leading institution in the UK for the study of theoretical and practical orgiastics as well as the study of the perverted arts and sciences, especially the use of the pork pie in an erotic context. All under the expert guidance of the narrator of this splendid tome, Norbert Trouser-Quandary, Master of the Perverted Arts and Sciences and Professor of Theoretical and Applied Orgiastics at the University of Little Frigging in the Wold, who is also a farmer specialising in the husbandry of free-range hairstylists and the breeding for the market of farm-assured lawyers.
For those interested in the use of cream cakes in a village orgy, the use of the village volunteer fireman’s chopper, how to butter an assistant librarian, the secret rites of folk singers, the correct way to fondle a post mistress in a formal village orgy setting and much, much, more, this book is the ideal introduction to modern English rural life.
No doubt you have been wondering over the years about what is the most suitable hat for the various breeds of penguin: such as a deerstalker for the King penguins, or whether emperor penguins should wear a top hat.
Perhaps you have also wondered if Napoleon wore a basque under his uniform at the battle of Waterloo and the role that lingerie played in history. Maybe you have long puzzled over the role of the Stilton cavalry in the English Cheese war. Possibly you may have pondered who was The Greatest Prime Minister Great Britain Never Had, or who was The Fastest Jelly Baby Diversity Co-Ordinator In The West. You could have even puzzled over The Fabled Lost Source of the Pork Scratching. Choosing Headgear for Penguins is the book that answers all of these and many other questions you’ve never thought of asking as well as much, much more about such diverse topics as: Celebrity Extreme Gardening, Eroticism and the Intellectuals, People Staring At Walls, Raiders Of The Lost Car Park, The Latest Celebrity Sex Scandal, The UK’s Leading Adult Film Male Superstar and Weasel Defusing.
Yet more outpourings and ejaculations from Norbert Trouser-Quandary’s notably upstanding organ, featuring more tales of the doings and goings-on in that most delightfully perverted of England’s rural villages: Little Frigging in the Wold.
This volume of tales from Little Frigging features the adventures of Grand Uncle Stagnant back in the summer of love where he hears about the concept of free love and – almost immediately – stops issuing invoices.
Other tales in this volume detail the history of the Hot Strumpets on Wheels service, the uses of high visibility fetish gear, Little Frigging in the Wold – the computer game, the appendage of a hands-free pole-vaulter, pancakes and perversions and the Great Fire of Little Frigging. Grand Uncle Stagnant and the Summer of Love also contains many other intriguing events and happenings from the village and its environs, including the erotic use of the toolshed as well as pointers on the tactical subtleties of the Inter-Village Orgy match and much, much more.
‘Education is hanging around until you’ve caught on’ – Robert Frost.
Set during the mid-1980s, Hanging Around Until is the story of Paul Carr, who, at the age of 28, decides to become a mature student at a North-Eastern university in the hope that an education will help give a direction to his life. On arriving at the university Paul discovers he is to share a house with five other students. Two of those housemates – Alison and Julia, each in their own way – turn Paul’s simple quest for an education into a tangle of confusion and uncertainty amid the turmoil of university life during the height of anti-Thatcherite campus activism and the birth of the new Left.
(A short story – 3000 words approx.)
Frank didn’t know he was a nudist, until he met his wife’s best friend in the kitchen one morning.
For that matter, until then, his wife Jane didn’t know she was also a nudist too.
What do you do when sex and drugs and rock and roll are no longer enough?
At one time, Transmission were probably the most famous rock band on the planet. Now, even as they approach their twenty-fifth anniversary they are still up there, one of the top ten bands of all time. However, each of the surviving members of the band feels something, somewhere, has gone wrong, and the rock and roll dream they used to believe in so much has become an empty and hollow routine.
Dance On Fire is an exploration of the relationships between the remaining original members of Transmission, and their manager, as the band enters their 25th year together. The novel charts their growing realisation that rock music no longer has any meaning for them, and they are – at best – still going through force of habit – ‘We’ve become our own tribute band.’ Dance On Fire is a novel about the shallowness of everlasting adolescence and the vacuity at the heart of the rock and roll mythology.
A massive miscellany of hilariously surreal inconsequence.
This comedy collection tells you – quite possibly – more than you thought you needed to know about such diverse subjects as, All-Nude Chicken Intriguing, Underwater Cookery, Naked Orienteering and Weasel Appreciation Day.
it reveals the true stories behind how the SAS (Secret Accountancy Service) began, Worldwide Admire Your Own Genitals Day, homing wasps and the sexual peccadillo. It covers the latest in film, TV and celebrity culture and the latest scientific research into why weasels go pop and the intriguing mathematics of cupboard space.
It examines many other subjects such as the vibrant world of car park design, conceptual art, the life and times of opera star Hernia von Volenipples. With much, much more, including – frankly – rather too much about cheese.
[This collection was previously published as Tales of the Unexpurgated]
How I Became the Fat Bloke and Other Stories is a collection of 19 short stories by David Hadley, including – in the title story – how one man realises what he had become while his attention was elsewhere.
Socks – you should always be careful about who you let buy your socks for you, just in case they remember and you don’t.
The Mystery of the Lupins – what happens when a woman wearing only a coat and carrying flowers turns up at your door. Barn – a nightmare that becomes a bit too real.
Mermaid – the tale of a mystery woman and her daily ritual on the early-morning deserted beach and many more fascinating, memorable and involving stories.
The title piece of this great new collection features an historical appreciation of the great car park theorist; Heinrich Von Rectangle, his life, work and tragic untimely end.
In over a hundred other essays, a wide variety of subjects of interest and fascination to the modern reader are also discussed, such as:
The latest the latest European Union Working Time Directives .and how they relate to the employment circumstances of the undead.
In science, the ramifications of the Biscuit Tin Event Horizon are explored in an attempt to aid our understanding of the physical forces that make biscuits, pies and other such foodstuffs irresistible.
There is also some very exciting research with throws new light on the development and history of the spoon.
This book also features a report on the new TV phenomenon taking the world by storm that is Live Celebrity Woodworking.
An appreciation and celebration of the cult film: 2030: A Lingerie Odyssey which featured the world’s first lingerie-wearing supercomputer.
An essay celebrating the Victorian inventor who famously developed Spadgecock’s Wildfowl Distractor.
A look forward to what will undoubtedly be this year’s film of the year: The Penguin Always Eats Omelettes.
An appreciation of on of the forgotten classics of Romantic poetry in: Ode to a Stickleback and Romanticism.
A study of the role played by the British army’s use of camouflage pastry to bring about the end of the First World War.
There are also articles and pieces on other similar fascinating subjects, such as: Full-Frontal Cookery, The Great Cheese Conspiracies, International Celebrity Underwater Cheese Grating, The Sensual Arts of the Secret Accountancy Sect, The Unauthorised Use of a Banjo, Post-War Extreme Sports and much, much more.
[Novella – 17, 500 words approx]
The day John Russell became a Have a Go Hero, for accidentally foiling an armed bank robbery, was the day his life changed forever, and all he’d wanted was a nice cup of tea.
A Collection of 100 poems by David Hadley.
David Hadley’s poems have been published in Stand, Eclipse, Envoi, Poetry Nottingham International, Raw Edge and several other magazines in the UK and US.
Several of his poems have also been cherry-picked by the editors at abctales.com.
All through this slipping of time
The river flows sedately onward,
An endless rope pulled by the sea.
(The River is an Endless Rope)
This book is a new collection of over 180 poems by David Hadley.
David Hadley’s poem have been published in several magazines in the UK and US.
Several of his poems have been cherry picked by the editors at ABCtales.com