Deep-Sea Perversions

Of course, being in the heart of rural England means that we here at Little Frigging do not have all that much call for deep-sea perversions, at least during the normal run of events. Such things as multi-porpoise lubricants, codpieces and squid restraints are not often discussed, even during the late night sessions down atContinue reading “Deep-Sea Perversions”

The Care Of Recently-Hatched Lawyers

No doubt, when summer arrives your first early spring batches of Lawyer eggs will soon hatch out into tadpoles – if you are lucky. Then you will need to start to search for a swamp fetid enough for them to grow into maturity, or – at least – as close to maturity as lawyers everContinue reading “The Care Of Recently-Hatched Lawyers”

The Dragon Slayer

‘Sire?’ ‘Be on your guard, Plotkin. They could be anywhere.’ The squire looked around warily and drew his horse closer to his master’s massive warhorse. He looked up at the knight encased in the armour Plotkin had spent most of the night polishing. ‘Sire?’ ‘What now?’ ‘You said, back at the Inn where you hiredContinue reading “The Dragon Slayer”

The Mystery of the Disappearing Queen

‘You missed a good story in the inn last night.’ Helm shrugged. ‘I have little time for storytellers. They’re all liars.’ Tolg sat down beside the shepherd, both watching the sheep. ‘Oh, this storyteller is new. He hasn’t visited our village before.’ Helm muttered his thanks as Tolg passed him the wine bottle. Helm drankContinue reading “The Mystery of the Disappearing Queen”

Llamas and Bureaucracy – A Crisis in the Making

Still, I suppose you know what llamas are like. Most people these days have at least some familiarity with what was once regarded as exotic wildlife – at least in places far from their natural habit – through the medium of the TV nature documentary. Although, even these days, there are still some people whoContinue reading “Llamas and Bureaucracy – A Crisis in the Making”

The Fundamental Theory of Cats

Pelmet Cheesetoastie is probably the world’s most famous contemporary theoretical physicist. Although he may not have the luxuriant hairstyling necessary for a career as a TV scientist, nevertheless he has found international fame through the vital nature of his studies. At first, the scientific world was sceptical about another fundamental force beyond the forces physicsContinue reading “The Fundamental Theory of Cats”

Reality is Not What it Used to Be

‘Is it real?’ I asked. ‘Ah.’ Professor Wilheim thrust his hands into the pockets of his lab coat. ‘That is an interesti-‘ A puzzled frown crossed his face. He withdrew his right hand from the pocket. He was now holding about two-thirds of a cheese salad baguette in his hand. He sniffed it, prodded itContinue reading “Reality is Not What it Used to Be”

Prudent Sex Utensil Drawer Management

It is very important always to remember to put your sexual arousal spatulas back into the sex utensil drawer, ready for next time. For there is nothing more frustrating than having, say, a local librarian or cake shop manageress almost at the point of sexual ecstasy having to wait with ever-decreasing ardour while you searchContinue reading “Prudent Sex Utensil Drawer Management”

Jehovah’s Perverts

It happens usually about once a month or so with all the inevitability of a drunken celebrity appearing in the tabloid headlines. There you are going about your normal daily business, maybe oiling your sex spatulas or ritually polishing your perversion tandem when there comes a knock on your doorbell. Maybe you are expecting aContinue reading “Jehovah’s Perverts”

Not as We Know It

It was soft, gentle, almost like the echo of some fading half-forgotten dream left behind on the pillow of a warm summer morning. Berna felt it there, in her mind, waiting for her. It should have been comforting, a reassurance of something living, like a docile pet in the hands of a child. But…. SomethingContinue reading “Not as We Know It”

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