Medieval Woodland Perversions

Of course, many of you may be keen to learn more about the use of woodland perversions in a historical context. Rather than disabuse you of this notion, I thought it would be far easier for all concerned if I shed a little light upon a specific period of historical interest for your edification. Therefore,Continue reading “Medieval Woodland Perversions”

The Music of the Spheres

As we all know Tapioca Draingurgle shot to fame last year when her song Explaining Eigenvalues shot to the top of YouTube’s most coveted and hotly contested Mathematical Concepts Set to Song by Attractively Underdressed Young Ladies category. It easily beat the next song on the most watched list by over 1 000 000 downloads,Continue reading “The Music of the Spheres”

Fiction Rights

She stood in the middle of the room and reached up to the fastener on the back of her dress. She let it fall to the floor. Sher took a bra strap in her hand, easing it from her shou- ‘Hang on!’ ‘What?’ She pulled the bra strap back over her shoulder and picked theContinue reading “Fiction Rights”

Fashionable Sexual Perversions

Nowadays we are – or have to pretend to be – rather blasé about sexual perversions. In days gone by, such outrageously obscene perversions such as naked string-length comparison, donkey-basting or even full-frontal accountancy would only be spoken of by consenting adults, and then only in a whisper during the darkest  hours of the televisionContinue reading “Fashionable Sexual Perversions”

Putting Your Shirt on It

However, if she is reading, it is better to leave her undisturbed, especially if she is reading one of those books apparently about a muscular young man desperately in need of a shirt. Just why there are so many young men – apparently both historically and in the contemporary world – who seem to lackContinue reading “Putting Your Shirt on It”

The Power of Numbers

Think of a number…. No, not that one… how could you? We all know the sort of mind that thinks of a number like that… don’t we? Of course, it is all well and good thinking of that particular number when you are young, and… shall we say… a bit frisky. But when you getContinue reading “The Power of Numbers”

The Victorians and Black Pudding

Of course, back then everyone knew the name of Stirruppump ‘Nickname’ Paradiddle. Nickname, as he was always known in the media of the day was one of the Victorian era’s greatest adventurers and explorers. In an era known for its men – and scandalously, on occasions, women – willing to give it all up andContinue reading “The Victorians and Black Pudding”

National Lemon Meringue Pie Day

As you all probably know by now, today is National Hand a Lemon Meringue to a Structural Engineer Day. After the media blitz of the last few weeks when it seemed every other news story, or media advert contained either a lemon meringue, a structural engineer, or both in some hastily contrived situation, it isContinue reading “National Lemon Meringue Pie Day”

Common or Garden Perversions

Of course, the most obvious difficulty with common or garden perversions is often that what is suitable for a common, or other area of open ground such as a park, wasteland, supermarket car park or sports pitch, is not suitable for a garden, or vice-versa. To take an example at random, the frequent use ofContinue reading “Common or Garden Perversions”

The Book of Cheese

‘And so it came to pass on the second Tuesday after Donkeymass Eve, that Stan the Bloke left his cheese crackers on the shelf in his pantry.’ As religious texts go, this was not the most inspiring, transcendental or luminous opening. But since its rediscovery in the latter half of the eighteenth century by JosiahContinue reading “The Book of Cheese”

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