Back When These Words Were Written

These words were left here long ago. That was back in the time when humans used the written word. There are not many left who still know how to read, mostly only enthusiasts and academic experts. Back when these words were written, people used things they called books, huge bulky collections of written words toContinue reading “Back When These Words Were Written”

I Still Get the Headaches

Well, she didn’t say, not in so many words. Usually, though, if she sees a chance of saying something, using many, many words, she takes it. Often with an alacrity surprising in one who otherwise sees little virtue in expending any effort when other alternatives are available. Still, as they used to say in ourContinue reading “I Still Get the Headaches”

Cheese and a National Disgrace

Helicobacter Mongooseincline first came to prominence as the world’s leading authority on the history of the cheeseboard, often mesmerising TV audiences during the 37 years his History of Cheese appeared on the BBC. His even longer 42-year stint as the host on the nightly The Cheeseboard at Night made him one of the most recognisedContinue reading “Cheese and a National Disgrace”

Dreams are Easy

Sometimes, Nella thought, dreams are easy. She had known Shola all her life, and she knew Dran too. She knew what Shola wanted, and she knew that Dran was interested too. She would speak to Tallen, the village elder and the wise woman, Drona, and tell them what she had learnt. Within the year, probablyContinue reading “Dreams are Easy”

The Wizarding Diversity Programme

‘Anyway,’ she said. ‘Any way? Are you sure?’ Tulp said. He looked down each of the three other roads in turn, then longingly down the track back to the village. ‘No, I mean… well, anyway,’ Tessla said. ‘This is goodbye and all that.’ She swapped her wizard’s staff to her other hand and held outContinue reading “The Wizarding Diversity Programme”

The Heyday of Theoretical and Applied Naughtiness

Stalactite Velocipede became the UK’s leading professor of Theoretical and Applied Naughtiness back in the fully-bearded days of the late 1970s. Up until then, of course, there was little in the way of theoretical understanding of the best ways to go about being either rude or naughty. Most people up until then sort of madeContinue reading “The Heyday of Theoretical and Applied Naughtiness”

The Philosophy of Doing Bugger All

Runningback Kneetrembler is probably best known as the world’s leading philosopher of Doing Bugger All. Of course, as usual, the Ancient Greeks first developed the philosophical system of Doing Bugger All. The philosopher Sycthexraxesthophin developed the basic theories of General Arsing About when he came up with the idea of Doing Bugger All one dayContinue reading “The Philosophy of Doing Bugger All”

The Rude and Naughty – Both Theoretical and Applied

Semblance Wombatdesign is best known as the world’s leading expert on the Rude and Naughty at both theoretical and applied levels. Her General Theory of Kink is often cited as the groundbreaking work in the field, especially in the field (or allotment) where the use of the dibber for erotic purposes has now become theContinue reading “The Rude and Naughty – Both Theoretical and Applied”

The Elbowdevice Erotic Cogitator

Plankton Elbowdevice is best known in the UK as the man responsible for inventing the device now synonymous with his name. A device used in the bedrooms, erotic boudoirs and sex dungeons of almost every English couple engaged in a sexual relationship – even if it is not with each other. Of course, there wasContinue reading “The Elbowdevice Erotic Cogitator”

Potatoes and Newtdisease’s Periodic Table of the Rude and Naughty

Plebiscite Newtdisease was – as is almost well-known in this country – one of the first early scientists to investigate the use of the potato in erotic encounters. Back then, the first proto-scientists were called natural philosophers. They were all interested in the many phenomena that had baffled and puzzled earlier generations. For Newtdisease, itContinue reading “Potatoes and Newtdisease’s Periodic Table of the Rude and Naughty”

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