Grand Uncle Stagnant and the Summer of Love

Way back in the late 1960s Grand Uncle Stagnant was at the forefront (even when he was standing at the back of the crowd, due to him being such a proudly upstanding gentleman) of the Free Love movement. So keen was Grand Uncle Stagnant on Free Love, that he immediately stopped issuing invoices as soonContinue reading “Grand Uncle Stagnant and the Summer of Love”

Domestication of the Wild Hairstylist

Back in those far off days, enormous tribes of hairstylists would sweep majestically over the wide-open plains of this ancient and noble land, often scaring the Romans and frightening the Vikings. Later, no Middle-Age city-centre was safe from the late night deprecations of these fearsome savages and many a medieval innocent shopping trolley was sacrificedContinue reading “Domestication of the Wild Hairstylist”

Lawyer Whelping Boxes

I remember it well. One day, late in the 1970s, suddenly there it was, resplendent, laid out in all its glory and slightly less florid around the edges than the advertising brochure would have you believe. Of course, I have seen many wild lawyer nests in my life up to then. But this was –Continue reading “Lawyer Whelping Boxes”

This Dread Disease

In the end, though, it had to come to this, despite the precautions everyone regarded as necessary. Self-isolation, quarantine of the infected, extra hygienic routines and antiseptic hand washes and wipes. But still the disease got through our defences. It is always the case that it only takes one case of infection to contaminate severalContinue reading “This Dread Disease”

Good News In Rural Affairs

Some good news in rural affairs, for once. At long last it seems that the Forestry Commission of Great Britain has decided that it is going to reintroduce breeding pairs of banjos back into the wild in some specially selected forests and woodland areas. It has been many years, maybe a century or more, sinceContinue reading “Good News In Rural Affairs”

Transgressions Of The Social Norms

There are times when disciplinary measures do have to be taken against certain denizens of Little Frigging who have – in some way – transgressed the social Norms, or who have not behaved in the fully upstanding way one would expect of one’s friends and acquaintances. Now, for serious transgressions of the law we –Continue reading “Transgressions Of The Social Norms”

The Special Cupboard

But, obviously… not that one. It is best putting that one back in the special cupboard until at least your inner thigh stops throbbing so much and there is something slightly less engaging for her to watch on the TV. After all, it is the sort of thing that needs each participant’s full attention ifContinue reading “The Special Cupboard”

Sex Weasel Spanners

It is not often that I write about my extensive – and rather enviable – collection of Sex Weasel Spanners, and today will be no exception. Frankly, the use of Sex Weasel Spanners is a matter best left to us experts, and I don’t want to be held responsible for any misuse of these precisionContinue reading “Sex Weasel Spanners”

Not Unusual in Itself

Ryan didn’t believe it. That was not unusual in itself. There were a good many things Ryan didn’t believe in, such as astrology, healing crystals, ideologies, Gaia, religions, politics, ghosts, reality television, fate, and several other things he was too busy not to believe in at the moment. However, he did believe in an externalContinue reading “Not Unusual in Itself”

Secret Services

Sometimes it gets like that. But perhaps this is not the time or the place to discuss such matters, especially when they could be watching. After all, we know they are out there, don’t we? Watching our every move, recording everything we say… or do. You think that thing you do with the watermelon andContinue reading “Secret Services”

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