Wild Fowl With An Integral Sound System

Back when we early-adapters first applied audio devices to our hand-cranked semi-marmaladed swans people thought us a bit… shall we say eccentric? Yes, let’s say that. Nowadays, of course, it is almost impossible to purchase any form of wild fowl without an integral sound system, some with room for a playlist of several thousand songsContinue reading “Wild Fowl With An Integral Sound System”

New UK Personal Conduct Directorate

There are times when it seems that the sport of Mixed-Doubles Elbow Touching may fall foul of several of the very newest sexual harassment, equality and discrimination laws that the UK government and/or the EU has come up with recently. As we know it will soon be against the law in England and Wales forContinue reading “New UK Personal Conduct Directorate”

The World’s Most Famous Pornstar

Rotorblade Trimquim first came to the world’s attention in the hardcore hot auditing action film Double-Entry Babes II, where her ability to reconcile a cash book whilst seemingly being brought to multiple orgasm by two well-oiled, well-hung studs became the most downloaded video clip on the internet last year, more popular even than the ThreeContinue reading “The World’s Most Famous Pornstar”

Nanny State Promises To Carry On Hectoring Over Christmas

For those worried that the British state and its armies of hectoring minions may have shut up and left us in peace over Christmas, there have been cries of relief all around as the Department of Heath and the Ramblers Association joined forces to help prevent the danger of people being left to make upContinue reading “Nanny State Promises To Carry On Hectoring Over Christmas”

Government Announce Changes To Vetting Scheme

The UK government have announced a partial climb-down over their plans for a vetting scheme for all adults who come into contact with children. As a spokesman for the government said: Initially we were planning on vetting approximately 11 million adults who might one day find themselves in the near vicinity of a child. However,Continue reading “Government Announce Changes To Vetting Scheme”

Portents Of Doom

Our very knees are all atremble as we make our way down these lonely streets in the near darkness. We clutch our holy shopping lists close to our chest and whisper the magical spells of our favourite TV commercials under our breath, trusting in the mystical powers of price-comparison websites and bright bold pink stainContinue reading “Portents Of Doom”

Over-Clocking Your Electro-Weasels

Well, there you go. I suppose if it wasn’t for Alberta Flange’s intervention*, we would never have realised that our electro-weasels were slightly out of phase. It takes a practiced eye, I suppose, to pick up on that sort of thing. So, now, after her recommended slight adjustments, our electro-weasels are running between 80 toContinue reading “Over-Clocking Your Electro-Weasels”

How To Stalk Wild Animals

No jungle-camouflaged gear from the bobble-hat down to your novelty SAS-style socks is of any real use out in the field. Really the only sensible option is the tartan jockstrap, motor-driven rotating silver tinsel nipple-tassels and day-glo wellies. Any animal you attempt to stalk in such a get-up will be too embarrassed to give youContinue reading “How To Stalk Wild Animals”

London Borough Introduces Naked High Street

In a bid to reduce traffic accidents by making the road safer and the pedestrian areas – possibly – more attractive the London Borough of Camden has announced plans to introduce the UK’s first ‘naked’ High Street.Following experiments in Scandinavia (where else) that demonstrated that even partially nudity will cause motorists to slow down andContinue reading “London Borough Introduces Naked High Street”

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