Songs of Loss

‘Why do you only ever sing songs of loss,’ I asked her once. Shelda looked at me through half-closed eyes. ‘Because that is all there is.’ She raised a weary hand from under the thin sheet covering us. She waved towards the window. ‘Look around.’ I nodded. I didn’t need to look around. The cityContinue reading “Songs of Loss”

The Victorians and Black Pudding

Of course, back then everyone knew the name of Stirruppump ‘Nickname’ Paradiddle. Nickname, as he was always known in the media of the day was one of the Victorian era’s greatest adventurers and explorers. In an era known for its men – and scandalously, on occasions, women – willing to give it all up andContinue reading “The Victorians and Black Pudding”

National Lemon Meringue Pie Day

As you all probably know by now, today is National Hand a Lemon Meringue to a Structural Engineer Day. After the media blitz of the last few weeks when it seemed every other news story, or media advert contained either a lemon meringue, a structural engineer, or both in some hastily contrived situation, it isContinue reading “National Lemon Meringue Pie Day”

Goat, Yogurt and Mildred Time

Why is there a goat? Oh, and Mildred, of course. It just so happens that there is a large tub of natural yogurt on the shelf too. You know what that means? YES! It is Goat, Yogurt and Mildred Time! A couple of years ago, it was getting obvious even to the TV programme planners,Continue reading “Goat, Yogurt and Mildred Time”

The Book of Cheese

‘And so it came to pass on the second Tuesday after Donkeymass Eve, that Stan the Bloke left his cheese crackers on the shelf in his pantry.’ As religious texts go, this was not the most inspiring, transcendental or luminous opening. But since its rediscovery in the latter half of the eighteenth century by JosiahContinue reading “The Book of Cheese”

The Scented Allotment

Toast Stoataffronter is now not really one of the most famous of people. After all, neither you nor I have ever heard of him before. However, I have discovered just how famous – or, rather, infamous – he became during the Victorian era and its immediate aftermath, and that is only because I discovered hisContinue reading “The Scented Allotment”

Building Utopia

But, of course, she would say that. Amongst many, many other things. There must be some sort of list somewhere that she keeps updated. A list of all your shortcomings… yes, especially those ones. You – apparently – have faults that you didn’t even know were faults. But still, it is not enough that youContinue reading “Building Utopia”

Only Seventeen… Again

There is no need to be discouraged. Although, the experiments so far have not yielded quite the results we were hoping for, these are still early days. After all, I found the book by accident. I could see the book was far older than its dust jacket and that it was not a copy ofContinue reading “Only Seventeen… Again”

Somewhat Ironic

So…. Well, don’t look at me. I have no idea. It was like that when I found it. Well, maybe titled a little more over towards widdershins, if I’m honest. But I had to check. I mean after all, how long has it been since we had one like that? I mean that is aContinue reading “Somewhat Ironic”

Each Day That Passes

People tell me there are gods that rule our fates. They say there is a plan, a reason for everything that happens to us. They say the gods care about us, look after us and make sure our lives have purpose. I have to wonder about that. I am old now, but even when IContinue reading “Each Day That Passes”

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