Doubts Cast On Authenticity Of Holy Relic

Yesterday, it emerged that further doubts have been cast over the authenticity of the so-called Wolverhampton T-shirt of Nhigel, supposedly the very t-shirt that the great prophet Nhigel (May His Plums Dangle Mightily) wore on the fabled Night of the Last Kebab in the Uttabollux Holy City of Tourhisttrhap, the very night that Nhigel (MHPDM)Continue reading “Doubts Cast On Authenticity Of Holy Relic”

Government Announce Changes To Vetting Scheme

The UK government have announced a partial climb-down over their plans for a vetting scheme for all adults who come into contact with children. As a spokesman for the government said: Initially we were planning on vetting approximately 11 million adults who might one day find themselves in the near vicinity of a child. However,Continue reading “Government Announce Changes To Vetting Scheme”

Archbishop: Religion Isn’t Taken Seriously

[Archbishop Wonders Why People Don’t Take Him Seriously] Over the weekend, a man who apparently likes dressing up as a fantasy wizard at weekends complained that people were not taking him and his made-up imaginary sky-deity chum seriously enough. In an interview in The Daily Timewarp the archbishop said: It’s not fair, no-one takes usContinue reading “Archbishop: Religion Isn’t Taken Seriously”

Education Is ‘Dangerously Elitist’ Claim Schools

Many schools, yesterday, expressed their shock and outrage that people were expecting them to educate their pupils. As one head teacher, setting out for a two week-long Diversity Awareness course at a five-star seaside hotel, said: Where have these people been living? This is not the Dark Ages – whatever that was, the pre-TV age,Continue reading “Education Is ‘Dangerously Elitist’ Claim Schools”

Temptations Of The Flesh

Even if it is your most favourite goat that succumbs to deeds and actions which fill you with lustful thoughts and provokes desires within your very soul that could have only one consequence, then the Skhighhibhoss demands that you instead worship him, prostrating yourself on the stony desert ground repeatedly until all thoughts of wantonContinue reading “Temptations Of The Flesh”

Fury At Church’s Attempt To Hijack Winter Solstice

A marketing campaign by the Christian church to re-label the traditional winter solstice celebrations has been roundly condemned by traditionalists who wish to keep the Winter Solstice special. As one early solstice reveller said, whilst out shopping for some erotic underwear for his wife: Those Christians come over here and trying to highjack our traditions,Continue reading “Fury At Church’s Attempt To Hijack Winter Solstice”

Government Action On Spending Cuts Announced

Yesterday the UK Prime Minister, Gordon Brown*, promised to make significant cuts to his government’s spending, hoping to save – he said: ‘Billions of pounds.’ He went on to outline how he plans to set up an ‘independent government agency – OffToss – which he said would be tasked with the job of identifying savingsContinue reading “Government Action On Spending Cuts Announced”

UK Government Closes UFO Investigation Unit

The UK government has closed down its MOD UFO Investigation Unit after it had spent fifty years of investigating reports of UFO sightings. As The Dark Lord of Foy said in an exclusive interview with The Rope: Look into my eyes…. There are no such things as UFOs. There are no such things as aliens.Continue reading “UK Government Closes UFO Investigation Unit”

The English Cheese War

“It seemed the very cheeseboards of our souls were all atremble!” So said Plenitude Bosom-Frontage, back in the early days of what was to become the English Cheese War. Back in those days, cheese had a powerful mystical hold over the populace, with each part of the country – usually – having its own localContinue reading “The English Cheese War”

Christmas Carols Are Nonsense Claim

A former leading theologian, in a book entitled Oh, Come On All Ye Faithful, Be Serious, has claimed he had to leave the Christian religion because he became too embarrassed about the nonsense they sing in Christmas carols. In the book, he writes: As most people know, the whole story of the nativity has moreContinue reading “Christmas Carols Are Nonsense Claim”

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