Government Announce Changes To Vetting Scheme

The UK government have announced a partial climb-down over their plans for a vetting scheme for all adults who come into contact with children. As a spokesman for the government said: Initially we were planning on vetting approximately 11 million adults who might one day find themselves in the near vicinity of a child. However,Continue reading “Government Announce Changes To Vetting Scheme”

Portents Of Doom

Our very knees are all atremble as we make our way down these lonely streets in the near darkness. We clutch our holy shopping lists close to our chest and whisper the magical spells of our favourite TV commercials under our breath, trusting in the mystical powers of price-comparison websites and bright bold pink stainContinue reading “Portents Of Doom”

Education Is ‘Dangerously Elitist’ Claim Schools

Many schools, yesterday, expressed their shock and outrage that people were expecting them to educate their pupils. As one head teacher, setting out for a two week-long Diversity Awareness course at a five-star seaside hotel, said: Where have these people been living? This is not the Dark Ages – whatever that was, the pre-TV age,Continue reading “Education Is ‘Dangerously Elitist’ Claim Schools”

Temptations Of The Flesh

Even if it is your most favourite goat that succumbs to deeds and actions which fill you with lustful thoughts and provokes desires within your very soul that could have only one consequence, then the Skhighhibhoss demands that you instead worship him, prostrating yourself on the stony desert ground repeatedly until all thoughts of wantonContinue reading “Temptations Of The Flesh”

London Borough Introduces Naked High Street

In a bid to reduce traffic accidents by making the road safer and the pedestrian areas – possibly – more attractive the London Borough of Camden has announced plans to introduce the UK’s first ‘naked’ High Street.Following experiments in Scandinavia (where else) that demonstrated that even partially nudity will cause motorists to slow down andContinue reading “London Borough Introduces Naked High Street”

Government Proposes New Anti-Hatred Legislation

Following a report which claims that the UK is top of the league for reports of so-called ‘Hate’ crimes, the British government promised that they would do all they could to make sure the UK stayed at the top of this particular league. A government spokesman said: It comes as a great relief, and –Continue reading “Government Proposes New Anti-Hatred Legislation”

More Government ‘Education’ Plans Outlined

The UK government has announced plans to teach children, in schools, that domestic violence against women and children is unacceptable, in what many believe is yet another initially fine-sounding government initiative meant to tackle a serious problem that ought to be addressed, but is – in reality – just another of those ‘policies’ they keepContinue reading “More Government ‘Education’ Plans Outlined”

Parents Not Being Made Paranoid Enough, Warns Charity

Another pressure group has announced that people are not being given enough contradictory advice about their lifestyles to cause sufficient amounts of unnecessary panic, or even the vital levels of doubt, worry and concern that leaves them cowed and bewildered, and therefore much easier to govern. ‘Parents are not being made paranoid enough by theContinue reading “Parents Not Being Made Paranoid Enough, Warns Charity”

Warning: Police Chiefs May Quit

The head of TCPODNM (The Chief Police Officers who are Definitely Not Masons) warned last night that Tory plans to force the police to do what they are supposed to do, and actually catch criminals, may force some senior officers to resign (if only for gross incompetence). [Mind How You Go] Sir Hugh G. OdourContinue reading “Warning: Police Chiefs May Quit”

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