New at ABCtales: A Revolution In Competitive Cycling

Velodrome Creamcheese is probably the UK’s leading long-distance cyclist. Many sports commentators and travel journalists put this down to her innovative use of the Cheap Day-Return Rail ticket in her races. Many sports experts also say that it is the use of such tactics, up to and including the short haul domestic flights she usedContinue reading “New at ABCtales: A Revolution In Competitive Cycling”

Most Inventive Death in a TV Drama Award

Dishmop Thermocouple first appeared on cinema screens as one of the most significant naked corpses in motion picture history. Her role in Kill Them until They are Very Dead VII, catapulted her to international stardom. After that, she was the most in-demand naked corpse in cinema and on TV for several years. However, it wasContinue reading “Most Inventive Death in a TV Drama Award”

Evil Geniuses and Minion Recruitment

Turnpike Psychoweasel is the CEO of probably the World’s leading employment agency for evil genius minions and henchmen, although, it is – as Psychoweasel himself admits – a rather niche area. However, he does see room for growth in the field. He has grown the company from a small one-man operation that hired out bodyguardsContinue reading “Evil Geniuses and Minion Recruitment”

We are All Cheese Dust

These days Paradigm Tachyonbadger is widely credited with the theoretical discovery of the quantum nature of cheese. For a long time, physicists at the Large Cheddar Collider on the Somerset/ Devon border have been conducting experiments to discover whether the so-called Tachyonbadger particle exists as this generally accepted theory postulates. The Tachyonbadger, or tasty, particle,Continue reading “We are All Cheese Dust”

The Greatest State Banquet of Our Time

Rhomboid Dietaryrequirements is probably the UK’s leading celebrity chef. His TV programme, Dietaryrequirements Cooks a Bit of Dinner is probably the most popular non-naked cookery programme on the television these days. Recently he produced a state banquet for the Queen and several European heads of state to celebrate the invention of the spoon. For thatContinue reading “The Greatest State Banquet of Our Time”

Offensively Outrageous

Of course, it goes without saying that whatever it is that people are deciding to be offended by today is probably not that important in the grand scheme of things. After all, being offended these days is probably the most popular participatory sport in the world, at least in the social media grumbleoshphere. After all,Continue reading “Offensively Outrageous”

A Shiny Thing

Twoforthepriceofone Weaselsemblance is undoubtedly the UK’s leading contemporary novelist. His magnum opus Shiny Thing is a 2598 page multi-award winning expose of 24 hours in the life of a North Grimsby streetlight. Rumour has it that Hollywood is close to signing a multimillion-dollar deal to make a film of the book, with several of Hollywood’sContinue reading “A Shiny Thing”

Internet Mass Debater of the Year Award

Pendulous Stoatdangler is the most famous internet debater in the world. This year he again won – for the tenth consecutive year – the Internet Mass Debater of the Year Award. Although the award ceremony was once again – as it was two years ago – held up while Stoatdangler exchanges angry emails with theContinue reading “Internet Mass Debater of the Year Award”

The Art of the Celebrity Interview

Pendulous Dingleberries is these days best known for his ability to interview celebrities without falling asleep. Or even admitting that he has heard their various over-rehearsed spontaneous asides and witty anecdotes far too many times before. These days the publicity circuit for celebrities to flog their latest – or latest repackaging of their older –Continue reading “The Art of the Celebrity Interview”

Dark Matter and the General Theory of Socks

News has emerged that scientists are on the verge of understanding one of the deepest mysteries of the universe. For a long time now, physicists, cosmologists and astronomers have long puzzled over the fact that a large amount of matter in the universe appears to be missing. They call this mysterious missing material dark matter.Continue reading “Dark Matter and the General Theory of Socks”

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