Social Media – A New Offence

The UK’s leading celebrity truck driver, Footpump Marginalrate, shot to social media fame last weekend. It happened when he issued a rather unfeeling tweet about the limited number of baked beans he discovered on his toast at a fashionable late night trendy transport café in the metropolitan region. His tweet, along with his smartphone photographicContinue reading “Social Media – A New Offence”

The UK’s Leading Political Activist Comedian

Splunge ‘Shagger’ Knobend has become the latest comedian to enter the political arena. Knobend recently announced he is mounting a campaign to start a revolution that will replace what he calls ‘the worn out farce of democracy’ with something new. In a recent interview with the UK’s leading political interviewer, Wildebeest Prolestrangler, on the BBC’sContinue reading “The UK’s Leading Political Activist Comedian”

Celebrity Charity Worker of the Year

Tadpole Honeythighs was, of course, once the world’s most famous Hollywood actress. However, she is often these days more in the news for her splendid charity work, where she tours the world helping local underemployed journalists, TV crews, photographers and paparazzi earn a living. Her presence enables them to make some money by filming andContinue reading “Celebrity Charity Worker of the Year”

The Queen’s Award for Arsing About

Tomorrow night sees the award ceremony for the annual Queen’s Award for Arsing About. It takes place at the prestigious Our Plaice Fish and Chip shop in Nuneaton. For many years, the Arsing About prize has been awarded to politicians from various parties. However, there have been recent changes to the internationally agreed rules forContinue reading “The Queen’s Award for Arsing About”

The Turnip Award

Although not well known outside of the rather incestuous contemporary art circuit Focuspuller Clapperloader today won the almost prestigious Turnip Art Prize. At a people-studded ceremony, Clapperloader received the First Prize of £10.73 for his entry entitled Gurgle. A piece one gushing contemporary art critic called an utter masterpiece. As many people know, contemporary artContinue reading “The Turnip Award”

Terrorism And The West’s Response

After the latest Uttabollux terrorist organisation pISsed, sometimes known as In A Bit Of A State, supplanted the Al-Ka-Hollix, it soon began taking territory and influence from the Al-coholiks, especially after closing time. It now looks like the pISsed advance across the world’s heavy-drinking regions could be unstoppable. Especially once the pISsed forces learn howContinue reading “Terrorism And The West’s Response”

A New Space Mission Planned

Following the success of the Rosetta mission to put a lander on comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko, the team behind the mission have announced plans to send another spacecraft out into deep space. This time the mission will study a mysterious object that has only a very tenuous connection to this planet. The body, known as the MilibandContinue reading “A New Space Mission Planned”

Here Is The News… Possibly

Well, as the mighty hordes rushed down upon…. Hang on, that’s next week. This week is going to be much quieter. After all, the people in the media have decided that the TV news is getting far too interesting. They feel it is starting to deflect interest away from the far more lucrative game showContinue reading “Here Is The News… Possibly”

The UK’s Leading Lady of Transactional Intimacy

Fallopian Sprungdivan is probably the UK’s leading lady of privatised affection. Her name – and several of her more intimate body-parts – has been linked with many of – what once were called – the great and the good. Although, after Sprungdivan’s latest tabloid expose we now know that most of those men are neitherContinue reading “The UK’s Leading Lady of Transactional Intimacy”

EU Harmonisation And Its Drawbacks

Afterwards, she put it all away, back into the special cupboard, and we went back to our normal lives. At least, I did after I’d taken the wild haggis back to the glen and set it free as we’d promised. I stood there, at the foot of Ben y-Hill, watching the wild haggis as itContinue reading “EU Harmonisation And Its Drawbacks”

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