Community Leader

As you may, or may not, know (probably the latter, as I’ve never knowingly mentioned it before) Colonel Fitz-Tightly is the closest Little-Frigging-in-the-Wold has to a so-called community leader. Like all such community leaders, it is a position he himself seems to have elected himself to, without reference to anyone else. Mostly, it seems, thisContinue reading “Community Leader”

When the Dreams Don’t Let Go

Sometimes the night holds on too tight. The dreams are reluctant to let us go, they hold us there in a world we know is not our own, but we’re unable to find the route back to this world we call real. There have been dreamers lost in the night, even as the long summerContinue reading “When the Dreams Don’t Let Go”

Do I Know You?

There is always time. It flows on like a river, sometimes trickling along in a drought, barely there, barely moving, like those summer days of childhood that lasted weeks. Other times it is a raging flood, the days pouring past with their hours frothing and writhing against each other as they hurtle past. You neverContinue reading “Do I Know You?”

Allotment Perversions – A Primer

For those of you who like to make use of your dibber and hoe, there is chance aplenty to get much more out of it by getting involved in allotment perversions. For those that enjoy a courgette, or – in more advanced situations – a marrow, apparently there is nothing quite like taking yourself inContinue reading “Allotment Perversions – A Primer”

Pondering a Stoat

These days, Hartlepool Disembarkation is probably best known as one of the world’s first female Stoat Ponderers. Back in those days, stoat pondering was considered very much a male occupation. As with most things in the Victorian era, women were regarded as somehow too ideal to be considered capable of pondering anything quite as enigmaticContinue reading “Pondering a Stoat”

(Not) The Beast From The Swamp

It begins, slowly rising out of the swamp like a lawyer at dawn. We clutch our poking sticks to our chests in trepidation as the vague shape stumbles out of the mists towards us. Then, as the features of this unknown beast resolve themselves out of the heavy mists hanging over the swamp, we realiseContinue reading “(Not) The Beast From The Swamp”

Excessive Amounts of Baby Oil

‘Well…’ Now, isn’t this cosy? Just the two of us… well, apart from… y’know. ‘I’m a bit nervous.’ There’s no need for that, we are friends, after all, aren’t we? ‘Well…’ Can’t you say something a bit more interesting than just well, all the time? ‘You created me this way.’ I know, but I thoughtContinue reading “Excessive Amounts of Baby Oil”

The World in her Hands

She held the small blue green sphere in the open palm of her hand. It didn’t quite rest on her palm, but floated above it, revolving slowly. ‘What is it?’ I bent to peer down at it. ‘It is the world… this world.’ I looked up, around at her bedroom. ‘Seriously? Come on.’ Shenta lookedContinue reading “The World in her Hands”

A Politics-Free World

Obviously, it is not that obvious… at least not from the most usual angles. After all, discretion is guaranteed in the adverts, and if you can’t trust the advertising industry, whom can you trust? Certainly not politicians, that is obvious from the marketing of this product. After all, who amongst us hasn’t wished there wouldContinue reading “A Politics-Free World”

Medieval Woodland Perversions

Of course, many of you may be keen to learn more about the use of woodland perversions in a historical context. Rather than disabuse you of this notion, I thought it would be far easier for all concerned if I shed a little light upon a specific period of historical interest for your edification. Therefore,Continue reading “Medieval Woodland Perversions”

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