The Fundamental Theory of Cats

Pelmet Cheesetoastie is probably the world’s most famous contemporary theoretical physicist. Although he may not have the luxuriant hairstyling necessary for a career as a TV scientist, nevertheless he has found international fame through the vital nature of his studies. At first, the scientific world was sceptical about another fundamental force beyond the forces physicsContinue reading “The Fundamental Theory of Cats”

Reality is Not What it Used to Be

‘Is it real?’ I asked. ‘Ah.’ Professor Wilheim thrust his hands into the pockets of his lab coat. ‘That is an interesti-‘ A puzzled frown crossed his face. He withdrew his right hand from the pocket. He was now holding about two-thirds of a cheese salad baguette in his hand. He sniffed it, prodded itContinue reading “Reality is Not What it Used to Be”

Prudent Sex Utensil Drawer Management

It is very important always to remember to put your sexual arousal spatulas back into the sex utensil drawer, ready for next time. For there is nothing more frustrating than having, say, a local librarian or cake shop manageress almost at the point of sexual ecstasy having to wait with ever-decreasing ardour while you searchContinue reading “Prudent Sex Utensil Drawer Management”

On Knowing Where to Shove It

It was not easy. Although, it seldom is – as anyone who has been married for any length of time knows. Still, I did as she suggested and tried it. Perhaps there are some who go for that sort of thing. But, on the whole, I do not think I am one of them. Anyway,Continue reading “On Knowing Where to Shove It”

The Special Theory of Cheese

These days Spangle Teatray is probably the world’s most famous TV scientist. Both TV critics and viewers regard her hit BBC TV series on Norman Ninestein’s Special Theory of Cheese as the best science programme ever on TV. As one critic said, ‘it is the most comprehensive scientific description of the fundamental role cheese playsContinue reading “The Special Theory of Cheese”

Space Junk

It was another one of those things. Drenk sighed. This would need more than a formal warning when she got there. This made seven she’d counted in this sector alone. Analysis had shown their trajectories all mapped back to the same originating planet. Drenk hoped a warning not to launch any more of their litterContinue reading “Space Junk”

Evolution and Celebrity

For many decades now evolutionary psychologists and biologists have wondered just what is the point of celebrities. As we know, celebrities seem to do very little other than gain media attention, often for the most banal of reasons. All a celebrity has to do is walk down the street for scores of paparazzi, celebrity watchesContinue reading “Evolution and Celebrity”

UK Government Announces New Science Strategy

Yesterday, the UK Government announced that from next year it will begin closing all scientific research establishments and cut all science research funding for British universities and other research projects. Instead, the government has decided to put all their scientific research money into increasing use of tabloid article comments. As a government spokesperson said, ‘timeContinue reading “UK Government Announces New Science Strategy”

There is Always Time

There is always time. It never waits for us, but it is always there, taking each moment that passes and hoarding it to itself. Time is the great miser. The dragon that sleeps upon its horde of moments, preventing any one of us from stealing some time back, or going back and changing the saidContinue reading “There is Always Time”

The Theoretical Nature of Theories of Nature

These days, Rectangle Spiralstaircase is best remembered as the instigator of what later became known as Theory Theory. For a long time in the past people had noticed things, but it wasn’t until the Victorian era when natural philosophers became gentlemen scientists that it became fashionable, especially in polite circles to have a theory ofContinue reading “The Theoretical Nature of Theories of Nature”

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