Open-Air Orgies And Their Drawbacks

Spring is now upon us and I trust you all (both of you) have your sexual arousal spatulas fully-oiled (with turbo-weasel spleen oil) ready for the new season’s round of orgies. It will not be long now before the open-air orgy scene begins in earnest*. Although open-air orgies seem to embody so much of theContinue reading “Open-Air Orgies And Their Drawbacks”

The Wheelbarrows of Perversion

Of course, it is not necessary to keep the post-orgy wheelbarrows solely for taking home those that have found themselves overcome by the end of the evening’s activities. For there are many garden-related perversions that can easily be adapted for the village hall orgy, except, perhaps, not the Forced Rhubarb Undertaking which is best leftContinue reading “The Wheelbarrows of Perversion”

Always Remember His Name

Another day, another scene. Or, if he was unlucky enough, and the writer got into the flow, a complete bloody chapter. He was getting too old for this. Back when he started, it seemed like an exciting career choice, glamorous and sexy. To be the protagonist in action thrillers seemed like the dream job. AfterContinue reading “Always Remember His Name”

Splodge & Sons Sex Aids Catalogue: Spring 2018

I have, this very morning, received a press release in which Splodge & Sons (Purveyors of Marital and Sexual aids to the gentry since 1789) are pleased to announce their new range of sexual aids for Spring 2018. Not only do they have a whole new range of Eco-friendly sex aids, building on their previousContinue reading “Splodge & Sons Sex Aids Catalogue: Spring 2018”

News from the University of Little Frigging in the Wold

I am surprised, humbled, pleased – and slightly aroused – to announce formally that I have been made Emeritus Professor of Applied and Theoretical Orgiastics at the University of Little Frigging (formerly the small cowshed at the back of Trouser-Quandary farm). This will enable me to pass on to a new young generation of putativeContinue reading “News from the University of Little Frigging in the Wold”

The New Celebrity World

These days Stopgap Madeupname is probably the world’s leading celebrity fencepost. In the past, it was usually only humans who achieved celebrity status, or had that celebrity status thrust upon them. However, such is the unpredictable nature of humans, especially when it comes to the various bad habits and other commercially unwelcome traits of humanity,Continue reading “The New Celebrity World”

The New Literary Sensation

Pennib Trustfund is probably the leading figure in today’s literary scene. Her works have all the literary critics in academia and the media raving about them. Some have said she is the most significant literary figure to appear in the 21st century and that her name will live on into the next century, as longContinue reading “The New Literary Sensation”

The Woman with No Hashtag

She came out of the dusty distance like someone walking out of the dusty distance. Main Street was deserted in the hot noonday sun, which as Main Street was the only street in this one-unicycle town struck her as a bit odd. Then, she remembered, it was football season. That explained it. To confirm herContinue reading “The Woman with No Hashtag”

Universal Woes

‘It’s this universe you sold me last week.’ ‘Oh, yes. The NuCreation 159B – Model x1W? What’s wrong with it?’ ‘It doesn’t work.’ ‘Really? That is unusual. The x1W is usually very reliable. Most of the supreme beings we’ve sold it to down the aeons have been very satisfied with it.’ ‘Well, this one. ItContinue reading “Universal Woes”

The Evolution of the Supermarket Car Park

Sir Bastion Bargepole was – as many already know – the first explorer successfully to circumnavigate the Tesco car park in Bewdley, back in the early Victorian era. Of course, back in those days supermarkets had only just been discovered in the wild untamed jungles outside the Home Counties. As cars had yet to beContinue reading “The Evolution of the Supermarket Car Park”

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