The Door into the Stories

I was frightened. We all were. They say the waiting is the hardest part, and that is true. We all were too scared to think, to hope to dream, to fear. You hear rumours, of course. But back in the Learning, they told us it did not matter what we felt, whether we hoped, dreamedContinue reading “The Door into the Stories”

Christmas Charity Appeal

The world’s most famous film star, Pumpkin Dropincentre, was yesterday announced as the face of a brand new charity. This new charity has been set up to help counter what has become one of the most serious problems of the modern age. As Dropincentre herself said at the launch of the new charity, ‘for farContinue reading “Christmas Charity Appeal”

UK Government Announces New Science Strategy

Yesterday, the UK Government announced that from next year it will begin closing all scientific research establishments and cut all science research funding for British universities and other research projects. Instead, the government has decided to put all their scientific research money into increasing use of tabloid article comments. As a government spokesperson said, ‘timeContinue reading “UK Government Announces New Science Strategy”

The Modern Improved Cycle Race

Pedalo Velodrome is probably the world’s best-known cyclist. Not only has he won the Tour de France seventeen times, he is also one of the few cyclists to survive the far more punishing Tour of Tipton. It is well-known that those who do not cycle as fast as they can through some of the moreContinue reading “The Modern Improved Cycle Race”

The City of Her Dreams

Kerena dreamt a river that bought the melting snow down from the mountains to the warmer flat plain, turning the bare world green along its edges. It was here that she dreamt a city for her people, her family, her tribe, her silo. She built them a strong city, rising tall by the riverside withContinue reading “The City of Her Dreams”

When the Crows Laugh

We knew the story long before we young ones realised the place existed. A tale told by the old ones around the fires at night. They talked of the Old Times, and we thought they were just stories. Stories like the tales of the various long-ago gods fighting each other until they killed this world.Continue reading “When the Crows Laugh”

The Woman with No Hashtag

She came out of the dusty distance like someone walking out of the dusty distance. Main Street was deserted in the hot noonday sun, which as Main Street was the only street in this one-unicycle town struck her as a bit odd. Then, she remembered, it was football season. That explained it. To confirm herContinue reading “The Woman with No Hashtag”

Universal Woes

‘It’s this universe you sold me last week.’ ‘Oh, yes. The NuCreation 159B – Model x1W? What’s wrong with it?’ ‘It doesn’t work.’ ‘Really? That is unusual. The x1W is usually very reliable. Most of the supreme beings we’ve sold it to down the aeons have been very satisfied with it.’ ‘Well, this one. ItContinue reading “Universal Woes”

The Evolution of the Supermarket Car Park

Sir Bastion Bargepole was – as many already know – the first explorer successfully to circumnavigate the Tesco car park in Bewdley, back in the early Victorian era. Of course, back in those days supermarkets had only just been discovered in the wild untamed jungles outside the Home Counties. As cars had yet to beContinue reading “The Evolution of the Supermarket Car Park”

Of All the Dimensions in All the Universes

They all said how they had never seen me so happy, which I suppose must mean I was once a very miserable bugger indeed. ‘When can we meet her?’ It was a question I grew tired of hearing. I developed an extensive repertoire of evasive, non-committal responses. Of course, the best one was eventually admittingContinue reading “Of All the Dimensions in All the Universes”

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