Terrorism And The West’s Response

After the latest Uttabollux terrorist organisation pISsed, sometimes known as In A Bit Of A State, supplanted the Al-Ka-Hollix, it soon began taking territory and influence from the Al-coholiks, especially after closing time. It now looks like the pISsed advance across the world’s heavy-drinking regions could be unstoppable. Especially once the pISsed forces learn howContinue reading “Terrorism And The West’s Response”

The Time of the Lesser Gods

Now as at all times I can see in the minds eye, in their stiff, painted clothes,the pale unsatisfied ones outside the fish and chip shop. But those days are over now and those in need of the holy benediction of hot chips go elsewhere and follow other – lesser – gods.   There was a time,Continue reading “The Time of the Lesser Gods”

Holy Book Desecration

  Riots continued for the twenty-seventh day in a row yesterday in the strict Uttabollux country of Alfiesgoatstain, caused by the rumour that someone had desecrated the Uttabollux holy book – The Madeupstuff. Rioting broke out in the holy city of Tourhisttrhap when a rumour spread through the fundamentalist Uttabollux city that someone had inadvertentlyContinue reading “Holy Book Desecration”

The Miracle of the Kebab

‘For what doth it profit a man if he is in the revered street of the late-night takeaways and yet he finds himself short of the dosh to get himself the most holy of kebabs?’ The Prophet Nhigel (May his Plums Dangle Mightily) stared at each of his disciples in turn as they stood swayingContinue reading “The Miracle of the Kebab”

The Holy Spanner of Nhigel

Well, now. It has often been said – well, it has been said, according to the historical record, twice since the infamous Night of the Teaspoons – that someone in search of the famed Holy Spanner of Nhigel will – unless they find it, come to a rather unpleasant end, including vats of boiling oilContinue reading “The Holy Spanner of Nhigel”

Miss World and Religious Fundamentalism

Once, a long time ago now, it seemed most unlikely that a woman from the strict Uttabollux religion would be allowed to enter such a contest as the Miss World (& Canada) Beauty contest, let alone possibly go on to win it. When Pulchritude Shexy-asa-Ghoat first applied to enter the contest, after entering the MissContinue reading “Miss World and Religious Fundamentalism”

The Theological Utilisation of Mayonnaise

‘Even if there are aspects of your life you would like to remain unpondered, it ill behoves us not to draw a veil over that which remains unmayonnaised.’ Of course, nowadays there are few amongst us for whom those would not be very wise words indeed. After all, in this modern world, now mostly freeContinue reading “The Theological Utilisation of Mayonnaise”

The Wisdom of Nhigel

“So, anyway, what I’m saying is…” the Prophet Nhigel said, pausing for a moment to make sure the holy mates of Nhigel were listening to the wisdom of his words “…is that a wise man, a man of the book, a holy man, will always make sure he has enough for a pint.” The MatesContinue reading “The Wisdom of Nhigel”

One Of The Founders Of The Uttabollux Religion

Patriarch Pointee El-Bow was not only one of the founders of the Uttabollux religion, he was one of the first to put the Stories of the Prophet Nhigel (MHPDM) and His Mates into the codified form we know them today, where they make up the majority of the second section of the Uttabollux Holy book,Continue reading “One Of The Founders Of The Uttabollux Religion”

Anti-Terrorist Police Action

Following revelations that anti-terrorist police are urging internet café owners to spy on their own customers, in order to report any of those customers that may be visiting ‘inappropriate’ websites to the authorities, today the police announced they would be extending the scheme. The original idea, that internet café owners would monitor all sites visitedContinue reading “Anti-Terrorist Police Action”

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