The Care Of Recently-Hatched Lawyers

No doubt, when summer arrives your first early spring batches of Lawyer eggs will soon hatch out into tadpoles – if you are lucky. Then you will need to start to search for a swamp fetid enough for them to grow into maturity, or – at least – as close to maturity as lawyers everContinue reading “The Care Of Recently-Hatched Lawyers”

The Secret Rites of Folk Singers

Those of you who have heard the fearsome ululations of the folk singers when they manage to hunt and capture a feral banjo, wild guitar or bestial accordion will know the dread that creeps down the spine whenever in range of that unearthly cry. Not only that, the folk singers will then arrange amongst themselvesContinue reading “The Secret Rites of Folk Singers”

Llamas and Bureaucracy – A Crisis in the Making

Still, I suppose you know what llamas are like. Most people these days have at least some familiarity with what was once regarded as exotic wildlife – at least in places far from their natural habit – through the medium of the TV nature documentary. Although, even these days, there are still some people whoContinue reading “Llamas and Bureaucracy – A Crisis in the Making”

As I Was Saying Only the Other Day

Maybe it is not always that simple, especially when you think about all the other things there are to think about, such as…. Well, we’ll leave that to one side for the moment while we get on with whatever it was we were about to do. That is the trouble. As you get older, youContinue reading “As I Was Saying Only the Other Day”

Reality is Not What it Used to Be

‘Is it real?’ I asked. ‘Ah.’ Professor Wilheim thrust his hands into the pockets of his lab coat. ‘That is an interesti-‘ A puzzled frown crossed his face. He withdrew his right hand from the pocket. He was now holding about two-thirds of a cheese salad baguette in his hand. He sniffed it, prodded itContinue reading “Reality is Not What it Used to Be”

Open-Air Orgies And Their Drawbacks

Spring is now upon us and I trust you all (both of you) have your sexual arousal spatulas fully-oiled (with turbo-weasel spleen oil) ready for the new season’s round of orgies. It will not be long now before the open-air orgy scene begins in earnest*. Although open-air orgies seem to embody so much of theContinue reading “Open-Air Orgies And Their Drawbacks”

Ancient Pagan Rites

Deep in the deepest, darkest, heart of the Little Frigging Woods is one of the oldest still living trees in the area. Consequently, over the years – before Christianity came along and spoilt it – this ancient tree and its immediate environs became the scene for many a pagan holy rite. As they knew howContinue reading “Ancient Pagan Rites”

Al Fresco

Al Fresco, our farmhand has been helping out the dairymaids yet again, down in the upper lower pasture. As far as we can tell, he seems to have been mostly helping them out of their underwear, judging by the number of discarded pairs of knickers and errant bras hanging from the horns of the cowsContinue reading “Al Fresco”

Country Pursuits

Of course, back in those days, electronic badgers were almost unheard of. Those of us who could get them used clockwork weasels. But, for the majority of contenders, a field mouse operated by foot-pump was the best they could often afford. Back in those days, of course, the sport was completely unregulated. People, therefore, turnedContinue reading “Country Pursuits”

Trilobites under My Auntie’s Deckchair

Fallopian Designateddriver was yesterday announced as this year’s Beige Award for Fiction Prize winner for her novel Trilobites under My Auntie’s Deckchair. The book concerns the coming of age of a young girl during the Great Postage Stamp Crisis of 1952. It was a time when Great Britain was still emerging from the rationing ofContinue reading “Trilobites under My Auntie’s Deckchair”

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