On Putting Lead in Your Pencil

Obviously, the pencil sharpener was involved. But for those with interests in the use of the pencil sharpener, and for that matter the trusty HB pencil, in an erotic environment, then there are – no doubt – certain specialised websites that will cater to those sorts of… interests. Probably. However, it was not so muchContinue reading “On Putting Lead in Your Pencil”

The UK’s Most Popular TV Presenter

Spleen Topiary is – it is said – the UK’s best known celebrity TV presenter. It doesn’t matter what the programme is about, or even – indeed – if the programme is about anything. If any programme needs someone to front it, then the programme is usually presented by Topiary and her trademark hairstyle. NotContinue reading “The UK’s Most Popular TV Presenter”

Britain’s Sports Personality of the Year

It was announced earlier today that the celebrity philosopher Pensive Dropgoal, is to be the new professor of Hot Beverage Studies at the University of Evesham. Of course, these days philosophy is a glamorous and highly-paid profession. Devoted crowds of fans turn out in their hundreds of thousands. All filling stadiums throughout the world toContinue reading “Britain’s Sports Personality of the Year”

A Fine Figure of a Woman

She was – of course – a fine figure of a woman. A fact that had been fully-audited by many independent experts. But Pantechnicon Dodecahedron was far more than a pretty face – and a body that made men walk into lampposts. Dodecahedron first shot to fame in her very first film Kill Them UntilContinue reading “A Fine Figure of a Woman”

There Will Be Naked Ladies

Nevertheless, it was – as these things go – more interesting than originally thought. Although, people these days have the attention span of a…. Oooh, look at that! Shiny! As I was saying before I…. Hang on, don’t go yet. There will be naked ladies. Sort of…. Although, by now all adult Internet users –Continue reading “There Will Be Naked Ladies”

A Notorious Historical Dandy

Splendiferous Haberdashery was uncountably the 18th Century’s finest dandy. Famed for having a different bespoke handkerchief for every hour of the day, he was the first person in London to wear underpants. There were also – unconfirmed – rumours of him having a bath nearly every fortnight. Hence, Haberdashery was a notorious figure in theContinue reading “A Notorious Historical Dandy”

Britain’s New National Sport

  Ricochet Splashback is probably the UK’s greatest living exponent of the backhand chin stroke, which has put the Luton Imponderables way ahead in this year’s Mass Debating League. There has, of late, been a sharp decline of football in the national consciousness, mainly because watching a single game now costs more than the averageContinue reading “Britain’s New National Sport”

A Knight of the Realm

Hopalite Trebuchet was probably one of the greatest Knights in English history. He was more famous in his day that Robin Hood, Richard the Lionheart, Doris the Bold and Sir Steve the Bastard put together. Not only did Trebuchet turn out for both sides during the War of the Roses, coming on as a lateContinue reading “A Knight of the Realm”

Something for the Weekend – Free Kindle Humour: Sex, Pies and Sticky Tape

Sex, Pies and Sticky Tape Free for the next five days here (UK) or here (US) Here we are back, once again, in Little Frigging in the Wold: England’s most perverse, erotic and excitingly-moist village, for some more tales of rural life, with more adventures and tales featuring Grand Uncle Stagnant, Old Feebletrousers, Strom Thighhammer,Continue reading “Something for the Weekend – Free Kindle Humour: Sex, Pies and Sticky Tape”

New Kindle Novel Out Now: Juggling Balls

Juggling Balls available here (UK) or here (US) Martin Laws hates mysteries. So why has someone sent him a bag of juggling balls? Why has he no memory of buying a new computer? Why has that new computer decided Martin needs to go shopping? Why does a hairstylist he’s never met before keep saluting him?Continue reading “New Kindle Novel Out Now: Juggling Balls”

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