Use Of the Barn

During the traditional British summer, it is often the case that the frequent drizzle gives way to actual rain. For those who do not wish to partake of fully-moistened perversions then it is advisable to gather all ones accoutrements together and repair to some place more suitable, and – hopefully – drier.

Traditionally, in the suburban and urban environments the bedroom has often been the location of choice in such an eventuality. However, those of us who reside in the country have often made more use of the barn. For not only does it provide plenty of straw, and – occasionally – several domesticated or semi-domesticated animals for those who appreciate an audience, it also has much more elbowroom. This larger area is ideal for the more expansive perversions up to and including a Full Goosing Down where, in the suburban bedroom, the wingspan can often be problematical, especially if the wingtips become entangled in the light fittings, or the occasional excessive resultant fluttering dislodges any ornaments from their usual resting places.

The barn is also – as its name implies – also ideal for Barn Perversions. These are, as any folklorist you are unfortunate to engage in conversation is bound to inform you – most probably at tedious length – are the forerunners of what later became known as the barn dances, ceilidh, or such similar events where a local community gets together to have social intercourse with each other.

Obviously as the evening progresses, and the alcohol intakes increases, such intercourse is bound to get very social indeed right up to and including Fully-Consensual Hay-Baling, and then rounding off the evening with a quick game of Pitch-Forking The Member Of Parliament much to the satisfaction of everyone present*.


*except the MP, of course.


Yours perversely: Norbert Trouser-Quandary

 [A tale from the From the LFITW archive. More from Little Frigging in the Wold here]




Published by David Hadley

A Bloke. Occasionally points at ducks.

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