Lawyer Whelping Boxes

I remember it well. One day, late in the 1970s, suddenly there it was, resplendent, laid out in all its glory and slightly less florid around the edges than the advertising brochure would have you believe. Of course, I have seen many wild lawyer nests in my life up to then. But this was –Continue reading “Lawyer Whelping Boxes”

Sex Weasel Spanners

It is not often that I write about my extensive – and rather enviable – collection of Sex Weasel Spanners, and today will be no exception. Frankly, the use of Sex Weasel Spanners is a matter best left to us experts, and I don’t want to be held responsible for any misuse of these precisionContinue reading “Sex Weasel Spanners”

When it Came

It came out if the forest like a thingy coming out of the undergrowth with all its doodahs resplendent in the morning, thingamabobs glistening. ‘Oh, my gods,’ the guard on the wall screamed. ‘It’s a bloody wossname! It’s coming this way. Now!’ The captain of the guard, buckling his breastplate as he ran, clambered upContinue reading “When it Came”

Keeping it All in Order

But not necessarily in that order. Obviously, you do need some kind of organisational system or the whole thing gets rapidly out of control. The simplest approach is, of course, alphabetical order. Putting the aardvark next to the accordion does make sense in that context. But would you ideally want to have the risk ofContinue reading “Keeping it All in Order”

A Sacrifice

The darkness was almost solid. Only a handful of stars peeked through the leave in the trees above her. Shifka almost dared not breathe, listening to the rustles and scrabbles of animals in the forest around her as they hunted and were hunted. An owl hooted nearby and something fluttered past her face. Shifka almostContinue reading “A Sacrifice”

Blowin’ Free

Well now, as it happens today sees the first day of Little Frigging’s Annual Village Free Fondle Week. All the denizens of Little Frigging have decked themselves out in their traditional free-fondling outfits and fondling mittens, and we have all been furiously polishing our sex spatulas in readiness. Of course, these days these traditional ruralContinue reading “Blowin’ Free”

Pondering a Stoat

These days, Hartlepool Disembarkation is probably best known as one of the world’s first female Stoat Ponderers. Back in those days, stoat pondering was considered very much a male occupation. As with most things in the Victorian era, women were regarded as somehow too ideal to be considered capable of pondering anything quite as enigmaticContinue reading “Pondering a Stoat”

How a Story Began

Think of this. Think of a moment that turns the day from one direction into another, thereby changing everything. A way of taking time, moving it from what could be to what might be. We all have those moments when our days change, sometimes in ways we do not notice at the time. We goContinue reading “How a Story Began”

Fiction Rights

She stood in the middle of the room and reached up to the fastener on the back of her dress. She let it fall to the floor. Sher took a bra strap in her hand, easing it from her shou- ‘Hang on!’ ‘What?’ She pulled the bra strap back over her shoulder and picked theContinue reading “Fiction Rights”

National Lemon Meringue Pie Day

As you all probably know by now, today is National Hand a Lemon Meringue to a Structural Engineer Day. After the media blitz of the last few weeks when it seemed every other news story, or media advert contained either a lemon meringue, a structural engineer, or both in some hastily contrived situation, it isContinue reading “National Lemon Meringue Pie Day”

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