Domestication of the Wild Hairstylist

Back in those far off days, enormous tribes of hairstylists would sweep majestically over the wide-open plains of this ancient and noble land, often scaring the Romans and frightening the Vikings. Later, no Middle-Age city-centre was safe from the late night deprecations of these fearsome savages and many a medieval innocent shopping trolley was sacrificedContinue reading “Domestication of the Wild Hairstylist”

Good News In Rural Affairs

Some good news in rural affairs, for once. At long last it seems that the Forestry Commission of Great Britain has decided that it is going to reintroduce breeding pairs of banjos back into the wild in some specially selected forests and woodland areas. It has been many years, maybe a century or more, sinceContinue reading “Good News In Rural Affairs”

When it Came

It came out if the forest like a thingy coming out of the undergrowth with all its doodahs resplendent in the morning, thingamabobs glistening. ‘Oh, my gods,’ the guard on the wall screamed. ‘It’s a bloody wossname! It’s coming this way. Now!’ The captain of the guard, buckling his breastplate as he ran, clambered upContinue reading “When it Came”

Keeping it All in Order

But not necessarily in that order. Obviously, you do need some kind of organisational system or the whole thing gets rapidly out of control. The simplest approach is, of course, alphabetical order. Putting the aardvark next to the accordion does make sense in that context. But would you ideally want to have the risk ofContinue reading “Keeping it All in Order”

The Ballad of the String Vest Kid

It was the first Tuesday of the week when the String Vest Kid rode into town. Everyone stopped what they were doing to watch him. Even Dirty Betty, over at the saloon, saw him arrive and she was being paid double to do that thing with a banjo on her knee that all the oldContinue reading “The Ballad of the String Vest Kid”

A Sacrifice

The darkness was almost solid. Only a handful of stars peeked through the leave in the trees above her. Shifka almost dared not breathe, listening to the rustles and scrabbles of animals in the forest around her as they hunted and were hunted. An owl hooted nearby and something fluttered past her face. Shifka almostContinue reading “A Sacrifice”

Pondering a Stoat

These days, Hartlepool Disembarkation is probably best known as one of the world’s first female Stoat Ponderers. Back in those days, stoat pondering was considered very much a male occupation. As with most things in the Victorian era, women were regarded as somehow too ideal to be considered capable of pondering anything quite as enigmaticContinue reading “Pondering a Stoat”

(Not) The Beast From The Swamp

It begins, slowly rising out of the swamp like a lawyer at dawn. We clutch our poking sticks to our chests in trepidation as the vague shape stumbles out of the mists towards us. Then, as the features of this unknown beast resolve themselves out of the heavy mists hanging over the swamp, we realiseContinue reading “(Not) The Beast From The Swamp”

Medieval Woodland Perversions

Of course, many of you may be keen to learn more about the use of woodland perversions in a historical context. Rather than disabuse you of this notion, I thought it would be far easier for all concerned if I shed a little light upon a specific period of historical interest for your edification. Therefore,Continue reading “Medieval Woodland Perversions”

Common or Garden Perversions

Of course, the most obvious difficulty with common or garden perversions is often that what is suitable for a common, or other area of open ground such as a park, wasteland, supermarket car park or sports pitch, is not suitable for a garden, or vice-versa. To take an example at random, the frequent use ofContinue reading “Common or Garden Perversions”

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