The Current Climate of Fear ©

Once again, there are reports in the media of goats from foreign parts finding their way into our traditional British Transport Cafes. Normally, of course, this would not matter too much, but these – as you know – are not normal times. The government, the security services and the media have spent a great deal

Universities To Suffer Spending Cuts

Universities have warned that government cuts to the higher education budget means that thousands of students could lose out on a university place. The Labour government, however, claims that universities are ‘elitist’ for still, despite 12 years of a Labour government, insisting on a certain level of academic ability both in selecting undergraduates and in

UK Government Warns Local Councils

Some non-entity from the government with an obvious make-work job title from a department you’ve never heard of before, yesterday warned local councils that: If local councils do not screw as much money as possible from their local tax payers then the government would have no alternative but to take action against them, up to

Charity Worker Of The Year

Beaujolais Stalactite – this year’s winner of the Charity Worker Of The Year award is now only really seen at the celebrity parties and other shindigs associated with her charity Young Ladies For The Relief Of Exceptionally Wealthy Older Men (YLREWOM). Of course, Stalactite herself is no longer such a young lady, but she does

Mandatory End-of-Year Marmoset Nipple Inspection Time.

Now it just so happens that today is not quite the day for Mandatory End-of-Year Marmoset Nipple Inspection. Her Majesty’s Marmoset Nipple Inspectors, however, are all poised and ready to begin investigation into any dubious claim they suspect of attempting to defraud the government of its statutory right to know the exact number of marmoset

Alternative Energy Sources

As you well know, the theoretical critical mass to start a chain reaction in a fully-rice-and-treacle-primed weasel horde is 27, which is just what we have here in this cage. According to theory, the weasel horde reaction should be self-sustaining, providing easily enough electricity – once plugged into the national electricity grid – to recharge

Explicit Marmalade Contemplation

Labia Minora was the sort of woman who was not afraid to engage in explicit full-frontal marmalade contemplation, even in front of total strangers. Touching, fondling, each jar, holding each one up to the light in her long delicate fingers, for Labia, marmalade contemplation was almost an art. She would even – but only on

Wild Fowl With An Integral Sound System

Back when we early-adapters first applied audio devices to our hand-cranked semi-marmaladed swans people thought us a bit… shall we say eccentric? Yes, let’s say that. Nowadays, of course, it is almost impossible to purchase any form of wild fowl without an integral sound system, some with room for a playlist of several thousand songs

PR Spin ‘Better Than Sex’ Claims PR Industry

There was widespread shock in the UK this morning, when a newspaper printed a ‘survey’ in which most participants seemed to express a strong preference for fitting in with the marketing strategy of the company that sponsored the ‘research’. A gleeful spokeswoman for the PR Company employed by the sponsoring brand later said: We hope

Raiders Of The Lost Car Park

The engines are all on the blink again as the petrol run low once more. Our thighs are all aquiver with foreboding as we make our way down these dark side streets, following the ancient runes that point our way towards… towards… towards we do not know what, but when we get there… if we